Tag: truth tellers

Be Open to the Truthtellers in Your Life

We’ve all encountered those moments when someone attempts to tell us about ourselves and we just don’t want to hear it. Somewhere deep inside a mechanism kicks in telling us their words are not relevant to what we are going through and we kick the idea to the curb shortly after word three.

If this sounds familiar, this article is for you.

First, I’d like to state up front, this article is not designed to shame or attack you. It’s designed to get you started on your healing path so you can release your self-sabotaging behaviors for good.

All throughout our lives we encounter others’ opinions – some resonate and some not so much. However, there are those “special” times when we hear what someone is saying and immediately disclaim their insight because, truth be told, they are touching a place inside us we have worked diligently to ignore – our shadow side.

The problem with this mechanism is unless we are willing to hear the truth, we will forever wash, rinse, repeat the same situations over and over again. We then return to the same friends with the same problems and hear the same thing! At this point we begin to convince ourselves that our friends have no idea what they are talking about. They just don’t get it! Instead, we go find someone who we can fool and get the validation we are craving. However, if your friends or “truth tellers” have walked in your shoes and healed those same places, they mostly likely DO know exactly what you are talking about and are trying to help you. To continue to push away their wisdom is to perpetuate your story of pain and suffering.

After having experienced an awakening some years back, I learned this valuable truth:

We cannot do it alone and the truth will indeed set us free!

We need others to shine light on our darkness when we are blind – to love us enough to tell us the truth. And believe me when I say, it’s not any easier to be the truth teller! Truth tellers often get yelled at, shunned and even ignored after sharing the truth. They become the “bad guy” when in fact, they are the good guy!

Let’s face it, some people are not so easy to talk to (and this could be you). However, ironically, the truth tellers are the people in our lives that have the courage to at least try. They often know that they are risking the friendship and/or connection by doing so, yet they desperately want peace for their friend so they keep trying. It’s difficult to go up against the ego in a blind person. The ego don’t take kindly to truth! However, by altering your perception of your truth teller from “mean and hurtful” to “loving and caring”, you will hear them differently than you have before and shift can begin.

Healing one’s wounds and disempowered places begins with truth. Just like in Alcoholics Anonymous where the alcoholic stands up and declares, “Hello, I’m John. I’m an alcoholic”, the wounded needs to own their behaviors and begin to take responsibility. Ownership is Step One.

Hello, I’m Kristen and I’m a recovering doormat.

We cannot move forward towards a solution until we are ready to recognize the problem.

I remember the precise moment I took responsibility for my self-defeating behaviors. I was standing in my bedroom some time midday and I decided to try to locate the places I did not act from my highest self and the places where I was wanting another to fill my void. Of course, my ego told me there would only be a few… Wrong! To be completely honest, out came a torrent of all my needy and disempowered places! Picture a family of hungry monkeys clamoring for the zookeeper holding a bunch of bananas. It was mayhem! It was gross, appalling and embarrassing! Even though no one was around, I squirmed and cringed as each memory came to the forefront.

And then the miracle happened…

The torrent stopped as quickly as it started. Silence. I looked around quizzically and wondered, “Is that it? Am I done?”

After noticing lightning didn’t strike me dead nor did I didn’t shrivel up into a warted troll, I felt the weight of the world lift off of me. Whoaaaa… What? I felt free… Finally free! I didn’t know what to do with all this, so I layed down on my bed to let it sink in. I observed there was no shame. There was no regret. There really wasn’t anything, but peace. My truth had set me free. Nothing more, nothing less. My shadow had finally been heard and it was now at rest.

THAT was the day my life changed forever. From that point forward, I set course to work on my self-worth and self-esteem. I finally realized I had created this whole frenetic scene and I could equally and successfully un-create it.

I occasionally wondered why no one ever brought my behavior to my attention. I considered myself an open book and knowing there is a lot of wisdom in the world, I was perplexed as to why no one had ever shed light on my darkness. Then the answer came. I had kept the really shameful parts to myself. I only shared parts of my story that would gain the oooohs and ahhhhhs from my cohorts. I never told the entire truth about the things I did because my ego convinced me those parts didn’t matter. My lower-self wanted so badly to be right; it subconsciously undermined my truth in the just perfect way to keep me stuck. Instead, I received all the appropriate statements like, What an a**hole! and You deserve so much better! My ego was validated, but my soul was not. Sound familiar?

When we are truly suffering and truly wanting for change, we must be willing to take radical responsibility for our behavior and if possible share it with a trusted friend. It’s important we share the uncut, unedited and raw version in lieu of some manipulated version that will only gain you the validation your ego so desperately wants.

I promise you, your ownership will not magically turn you into a warted troll, nor will lightning strike you down. Only healing and grace comes from radical self-honesty.

And one more thing… Always remember, there is nothing exclusively wrong with you! You are spirit having a human experience like the rest of us on this planet. You are fallible, forgivable and healable!

Show us what you got!

 

6 Steps To Discover What’s Really Bothering You

Yesterday I was feeling angst. I didn’t know why, I couldn’t explain it, I just knew it was there. When I had a moment to have a conversation with a good friend, I started right smack in the middle. “I’m feeling grrrr today and I don’t know why. Have you noticed I’m off my game?” She agreed without judgment and asked me to explain further so I did.

As I recalled events of the previous few days, I was able to locate the cause of the grrrr and I could feel myself wanting to blame someone. However, knowing what I know, we blame when we are attempting to give away our power by putting the focus on another. Even though my ego was fighting me hard, I consciously knew it wasn’t the other person’s fault and there was something inside of me that needed my attention.

As we talked, I began to uncover the trigger my loved one had touched. A-ha! There it is… I was then able to discover the root belief/fear that was causing all the chaos and with even more certainty, I knew my person had really done nothing wrong. All this emotional chaos was about me.

Years ago when I went through “My Tsunami”, I was left fairly destitute. I say fairly because fortunately for me, I had family who swept us up and loved us back to healing. However, the foundation rocking that occurred had left a deep wound. My life has completely turned around; however, the wound has not been fully healed. My loved one’s fear had reopened my wound and unbeknownst to me, I was floating around in the unconscious space of fear, insecurity and lack once again. My wound had been touched and I was allowing it take over my well-being and emotions.

My fear had manifested as frustration and anger as it often does for us. Being a person who resonates centeredness the majority of the time, I recognized my grrrrr as unusual and fought my finger-pointing-blaming ego so I could take the steps to locate the cause and hopefully feel better!

As all empowerment work, it is our duty to keep close tabs on ourselves by recognizing our dis-ease and doing what it takes to move through it. In Chapter 5 of my book, From Doormat to Sweet Empowerment, I discuss the importance of Building A Supportive Community and this story exemplifies this perfectly.

In order to discover/uncover what is subconsciously bothering you, follow the outline below.

6 Steps to Discover the Cause of Angst:

  1. Recognize your angst! Give yourself grace and space to feel off-center. Be willing to own your mood and know there is a root thought causing the problem.

 

  1. Take it to a mighty companion. If you cannot seem to locate the root of your mood, be willing to ask for help. Talk therapy with someone who knows you and your story can speed up the discovery.

 

  1. Sit with the discovery. Revel in the miracle of discovery. Allow yourself to truly feel and understand why you were triggered. Let it sink in.

 

  1. Turn your fear around. Find statements that support your healing. As in: This belief is simply not true. I am grateful I was shown this wound so I can heal it further. Amplify your discovery with three or more additional, postitive statements as to why your fear is not true.

 

  1. Take ownership of your healing. Be willing to own anything you wrongfully said to your triggering person in attempt to blame outwardly. Share your discovery – give your person a glimpse into your soul. Most often we will find our discovery becomes healing ground for both parties.

 

  1. Return to joy. Believe in your turn around statements. Allow your joy to return. You’ve done well!

Oftentimes in life, we don’t take the time to pay attention to ourselves. We allow ourselves to move from one mood to the next without much recognition and continually complain or point outward, thus, never moving through what is really causing all the upheaval. And unfortunately, a large piece of the world operates this way so it’s not often someone will stop us and say, “Hey, what’s going on with you? I’m sensing you’re not yourself, do you need some help?”

When we surround ourselves with truth seekers, healers and awareness chasers, we position ourselves for victory. We no longer have band-wagoners (people who agree with us no matter what) as friends. We have mighty companions who care about our well-being as much as their own.  They are beloved souls who are willing to sit in the bog with us as we wade through the muck and uncover/discover the truth all the while loving (not judging) us through it.

Your community matters. YOU matter.

Thank you, Lisa, for being my safe place yesterday. I appreciate and love you.

Truth Telling vs. Judgement

Truth tellers are the people in our lives who support us on our journey. They are the ones who truly love us enough to say the hard truths. Hard truths are the parts of ourselves that we are not yet recognizing for ourselves that others on the outside may see more clearly. They are oftentimes the hidden clues that once recognized and acted upon, could heal us of our self-sabotaging behaviors.

For a sensitive person or a recovering doormat, it is oftentimes extremely difficult to hear the truth about our behaviors and choices because it ignites the inner shame we already feel regarding the subject at hand. Our soul and inner guidance has been quietly urging us in the right direction, but we have not yet been courageous enough to follow it. Subconsciously, we know we haven’t treated ourselves well and we feel ashamed for it. When someone points this out to us, we oftentimes want to lash out because the shame becomes unbearable. We already feel bad enough and we misconstrue their words as attack rather than love.

We tend to use excuses as to why our behavior is okay and sometimes those excuses are finger-pointing at the person who is trying to shed light for us. We may excuse their observations as “this person is just judging me” Or “he/she isn’t accepting me as I am.” Or “why is he/she trying to control my life!

Regarding a genuine truth teller, this could not be further from the truth.

It is possible that we do indeed have “judgers” in our lives. I will not disclaim that! Most likely, they are the ones who are dealing with the same weaknesses we are (and are in hiding themselves) so they point at us in attempt to keep the focus off of what they, too, are doing. They are most often the low vibrating individuals in our lives that seek to hide their own lack of self-love by projecting that onto us. It can be a fine line discovering who we are dealing with unless we do some serious introspection.

However, the tragedy happens when we completely discount what is being said to us and we immediately barrel into our excuses with loaded guns of defense. Poor listening and immediately firing shots back at the person, never gets anyone anywhere.

For a person who has truly set course for healing their unworthy behaviors, examining the words spoken to us is crucial. We cannot and should not accept all that is coming our way; however, we should take some time to process the information effectively. During this time, we must stay in touch with what we already know for sure.

Inquiry questions:

  1. What is this person’s character? We know who people are whether we want to admit it or not. As sentient beings, we are privy to far more information than we allow ourselves to admit. A person’s character will tell you if their observation was coming from judgement or coming from love.

 

  1. Does this person function from a high level of awareness? Chances are you’ve had more than one conversation with said person. Does he/she live the words they speak? Is it possible they possess some wisdom that you have not yet learned? Are their words resonating in/for you? Based on past observations, is this someone whom I can trust?

 

  1. Am I hiding from the truth? As human beings we come equipped with a higher-self and a lower-self. We always have the choice to which self we listen to. The lower-self (ego) can oftentimes be the first voice heard. It’s loud, it’s disruptive, it’s disclaiming and it’s obnoxious. After the ego declares its position, it is the quiet, powerful voice afterward that will speak the truth. At this point, we have a decision to make. Do we listen to the truth? Or do we fall back into our distracting, egoic behaviors that we are used to?

Our distracting/egoic behaviors can feel verrrrry comfortable. In essence, we like it here because it is something we know very well. It’s the place where we stay rooted in our same ol’ perceptions and patterns of yesterday and keep repeating the same un-serving behaviors over and over again.

On the same note, truth can feel verrrry UNcomfortable. Oh, God! This means there is something wrong with me! I’m going to have to step outside my comfort zone to make change happen. I don’t like that! I’m going to find reasons why what I am doing is okay. And we keep on keepin’ on with no real change that could literally alter the course of our experience.

But remember, when we are uncomfortable, we are learning.

The truth tellers in our lives are a blessing from the Universe! I know they don’t feel that way when they ignite our egos and challenge us to be and do better; however, only Love would want better for you than what you have been giving yourself.

All great change starts with a change in perception.

And sometimes that new perception will come via a loving, individual who truly cares about your well-being and your life! It’s a choice to keep our hearts open and it is always our choice as to what we believe or not believe. I will never say, listen to all that comes your way. I will say when someone has the courage to speak openly to you, consider their words. Discover for yourself if they resonate in your soul and be courageous enough to do better for yourself.

Always remember… you matter!

Your thoughts?