Tag: self-worth

The First Step is Always the Hardest

The first step to healing is the hardest one. It is the time we feel the most afraid.

It’s the time we have decided that we don’t want to live as we have been living, but are unsure what to do.  We feel confused because we thought we knew what we were doing, but entertain the notion that maybe we don’t.

We frighten ourselves by thinking we’ve done it all wrong and furthermore, what if there is something critically wrong with us?! We might muster up a tidbit of courage and begin to see our defeating patterns and bad choices, but it is likely followed by a Mach 2 shame-filled shudder which tempts us to retreat once again.

It is here in this dark cave of the soul that we quite possibly make the most essential decision of our lives…

Do I withdraw back into my cave of self-doubt, shame and denial or do I take one more tiny step forward?

For some, the pain of staying the same begins to outweigh the fear of change and we start leaning in a direction we’ve never leaned into before. We feel a glimmer of hope and see a speck of light in the distance.

Our interest is piqued.

Our curiosity starts to expand and we tentatively move forward.

Then out of nowhere like a whispery, gentle breeze blowing across our cheeks, we notice something has changed…

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I was in the dark cave.

I didn’t know my life was a manifestation of a hidden trunk full of self-lies, unworthy notions and false perceptions I had gained throughout my life. I didn’t know that I had taken information coming my way and spun it into a web of “Kristen sucks”.  I didn’t know I had been flying under the radar my entire life hoping someone would “see” who I truly am and give me permission to rise higher.

I was afraid to admit my mistakes and downfalls to anyone for fear they would be exploited as they had been in the past. I was already ashamed of who I was and certainly didn’t need someone else adding fuel to fire.

But the one thing I knew for sure was I couldn’t keep doing what I had always done.

It wasn’t working.

I looked high and low among my family and friends, but could not find someone to hold neutral, non-judgmental space for me through this most vulnerable time. I desperately wanted someone to guide me and encourage me while I waded through the swampy wasteland of my bad decisions and embarrassing moments.

It was difficult to take brave steps forward without someone holding my hand. I still craved approval and permission from those around me. I wanted to be a follower. I wanted desperately for someone to say, “Oh, yes! I know where you want to go. I’ve been there! Follow me!”

It didn’t happen, but the most fascinating part is…

I didn’t let it stop me.

I had determined if I wanted healing and peace bad enough, I’d have to do it alone. If I waited for someone to ride the train with me, I’d most likely still be waiting.

Then seemingly out of nowhere, I realized something else.

I really wasn’t alone – I had never been alone. I had God.

The same God I talked to as a child while riding my bike, walking to a friend’s house or belly down on my bedroom floor writing poems. The same God I turned to when I had no one else to talk to- my companion, my mentor. The same God who always has my best interest at heart and who speaks to me through intuitive whispers that never lead me astray.

And so my journey began.

I didn’t know what it would look like or how it would go. I just knew it was time to take the first, most difficult step.

As my beloved friend and soul sister, Sue Markovitch, often says, “Left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot.”

It’s important to remember we won’t heal our worth or attract our best life in one day.

It will take putting one foot in front of the other. It’s about viewing each new day as a brand new learning opportunity which will later morph into a brand new you.

We are not alone and we are not without guidance. The light we need to find our way is already here. It has always been here. All we have to do is invite It in and take the first step.

Dear God/Source/Universe: I am open to healing. I am open to a greater awareness and understanding of life. I am open to healing my false perceptions and disempowering ways. Please come. Please make your presence known in my life. I know you will not interfere for the law of free will, so I give you free entrance into my heart and mind. I know you know best and I’m fully open to your lead. Amen.

You have everything you need, my friend.

Let me be the one to say:

“Oh, yes! I know where you want to go. I’ve been there! Follow me!”

I believe in you.

~ Kristen

Dating With Eyes WIDE OPEN

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Most of us set out into the dating world hoping to land our idea partner quickly and effortlessly. However, sometimes we crave this connection so badly; we lose sight of or ignore the truth of what boloney we are seeing in our partner and chose only to see the “good”. The desperation we have for companionship can often outweigh our logic and intuition. We end up denying or making excuses for behavior that is substandard to our worth in order not to be alone.

Although I honor the soul who focuses on the good in others; the dating world requires removing all veils and entering with eyes WIDE open.

Closing our eyes to truth not to be alone is the sure path to pain. When we are desperate for attention and love, we undermine our potential by ignoring the red flags coming our way. We seek to make him/her love US instead of deciding if we can love him/her!

I know this story well because it was me.

Here’s a thought…

How about if you viewed each dating experience as “practice” rather than a means to an end? An opportunity to practice your authenticity, morals, values and self-worth to see if who you truly are is cohesive with whom he/she truly is? We cannot attract someone who is ideal for us if we are not displaying our genuine nature or we are settling for less than what we deserve. Dating can give us the practice we so desperately need in order to strengthen our self-worth. With a good sense of self-worth, our energy shifts and we begin to attract better people to us.

By viewing dating as practice, we take the expectation and pressure out of the relationship from the start. Instead, we focus on getting to know ourselves and our potential partners before flying into the sack in a mad attempt to seal the deal. As we know, this only results in piles of regret and digs our lack of self-esteem pit even deeper.

Dating is the perfect classroom to discover more fully what we would enjoy in an ideal partner AND it gives us an opportunity to practice our self-worth until it becomes our new normal.

We can’t know what we want until we know what we don’t want.

I remember a time when I thought with every guy I dated, “This is it! He’s the one!” The only requirement for a date was whether I was physically attracted to him and then I’d allow his humor, attention, sex or whatever to take over. I would ignore any and all BS that was coming my way. I’d excuse his crap behavior with, “But we have such a great connection!”   Fooey on connection! Human beings can have connection with oodles of people. We don’t have to view every “connection” as our perfect partner. True connection and lasting companionship begins and ends with respect. If we are not looking any further than surface, every time we attempt to go deeper or feel more secure, we will experience disappointment.

“Connection” with a potential partner should only signal us to look a little closer and begin exploring more deeply who this person really is.

It took several ridiculous relationships for me to finally realize I had a pattern and that pattern was not knowing what I wanted and deserved and settling each time out of desperation.

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Relationships are designed to show us our patterns if we are willing to see them. They will show us precisely where we live our worth and where we do not.

“Wherever we are disempowered, someone will overpower.”  – Dr. John Demartini 

Furthermore, relationships will show us where we are compromising our sacred self not to be alone and just how much disrespect we are willing to take until we are broken once again.

It’s important to remember this little fact:

If we are not requiring anything better, we will not get anything better.

A healthy, reciprocal relationship requires a healthy you. By dating with eyes wide open, you are being given the perfect space to practice honoring yourself each and every time an opportunity arises. This is how we cultivate self-worth and this is how we attract our ideal mate!

Your thoughts?

The Point of Receiving

I’m sure you’ve all encountered a relationship situation where your person has finally owned up to his/her wrongs and apologized. It may even have been quite humble and very heart-centered; however, you simply were not at the point of receiving because the pain inflicted needed to run its course in order for you to be open to your person’s apology.

Just because someone finally sees his/her error, doesn’t always mean we have reached the point of returning to center. What mostly determines this is how often the offense has been committed and what came from the previous times. When we are repeatedly faced with the same disrespect or lack of compassion, care or respect, it can get more difficult to return to status quo because our limits are being reached and our patience is running out.

It’s important for both parties to know that sometimes the “offended” might need a minute. Not only is the “offender” learning in this situation, but the “offended” is learning too. Spiritual growth often takes processing time. All situations are designed for us to grow and learn from. What that looks like from person to person and situation to situation can vary greatly. Our job as an empowered (worthy) person is to take the time needed to feel our way through while staying connected to Source so we can come out of the situation better for having experienced it.

Relationships are so important and so incredibly relevant on our spiritual path of evolution. They are designed to show us ourselves. If we did not have them, we wouldn’t have the mirror so needed to reflect back our ways – good and not-so-good. How we handle and transcend what comes about is paramount to our personal growth, future empowerment and success of our relationships.

I’m not saying we have permission to hold grudges and stand in stubborn attitude.

I’m saying that giving yourself permission to return to center organically through process and connection is okay. This is about honoring your sacred self. If you are still hurting and can’t quite seem to meet your person at their apology (yet), you are only doing what is necessary to heal and return to the relationship whole. Returning as “half” isn’t going to cut it in the long-term. It would be like taking a short-cut that leads you in a circle.

With a deep understanding of this process by both parties, relationships can overcome some serious disconnection.

It’s all about respect and compassion for where your person is at.

I’m always so inspired and humbled when another accounts for his/her wrong doings. I see the Spirit in my beloved seeking higher, wanting more and desiring to overcome his/her fears and choosing differently next time. And even still sometimes it takes me a bit to process through my own emotions regarding the situation. The same goes when it’s the other way around. If I have offended and owned, I allow my person to return to his/her center on their own time as well. I do my best to give them the space and time needed to work through the emotion all the while trusting in the love between us.

Relationship offenses happen. They just happen. It does not mean our person is beyond redemption (nor are we), nor does it mean the world is going to end. It means we have come together in this relationship/situation as a means to evolve our sacred self to a higher level.

Standing in complete self-worth during these historic moments is a prime way to show our person that we love ourselves enough to not condone someone who does not honor us. When we are strong enough to say “enough”, we open the door for our beloveds to see their own darkness, their own fears and their own disconnection from Source as well.

A truly humble person standing in full responsibility understands this. He/she knows that trust was broken, pain was inflicted and time is needed. If your person attempts to manipulate or bully you into instant acceptance, there is most likely an alternate motive behind his/her apology. If this is true, it’s not your job to make him/her take ownership. It’s your job to stand in your self-worth and take care of you first no matter what. Your well-being is your responsibility and by making good choices rooted in your worth, most often your beloveds will see their error and make their amends.

Your thoughts?

How To Have Difficult Conversations – Audio Interview With Kristen Brown

It has almost become a societal norm to avoid topics that could potentially make our person uncomfortable or squirmy and instead of forging through the discomfort to gain clarity and a deeper connection, we oftentimes choose silence.

As most of you may know, this doesn’t work. Silence only causes additional drama, deeper discomfort and even greater confusion.

One of the hardest things we face in new relationships is venturing into the world of difficult topics; however, by forming a plan and honoring our worth first, we can make this venture a whole lot easier!

If you’d like to learn more about having difficult conversations, take a few minutes to absorb the interview between myself and a popular website I frequently contribute written articles to.

There is a lot of information jam packed into this ten minutes! Enjoy!

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Much Love,

Kristen Brown

From Doormat to Sweet Empowerment Introduction

from doormat to sweet empowerment book cover

Dear Empowerment Seeker,
After a major life upset brought me to my knees, I set course to heal the unhealthy relationship patterns repeating in my life. I didn’t know how this was going to happen, but I was willing to do whatever it took. It took me two years (by myself) of dedicated work to heal what I now recognize as shame and unworthiness recovery. The results of my work were so astounding, so life-altering, I realized I had cracked the empowerment code.

There is a shame and unworthiness epidemic that plagues humanity. Our healing points show up in our people-pleasing (doormat), approval seeking, controlling, self-protection, mask wearing and desperate behaviors. We all (males and females) have wounds that require healing to attract and maintain the life and relationships we’ve always craved. My goal for writing this book is to help you shorten the learning curve so you can experience your dream life as soon as possible. I’ve done it and I can help you get there.

I have taught this concept to hundreds of people and those truly dedicated to the work, achieved their goal! Healing doesn’t just happen by wishing it so. We must be willing to take radical responsibility for our lives, intake and study new concepts then retrain our conditioned mind by applying what we’ve learned. Healing work is not “difficult”, it’s simply a new method of operating. I sectioned this book into 9 Modules. A module is defined as any number of distinct but interrelated units from which a program may be built. Each module in this book is a component of Shame and Unworthiness Recovery. All equally important.

All stories are true life situations of my own, coaching/consulting clients, friends and family. All names have been changed to protect and respect the privacy of others.
Although I now passionately teach shame and unworthiness recovery, I am a work in progress. I continue to take responsibility for my life, expand my knowledge and practice new concepts and tools. Empowerment is not a destination; it is a way of living.

I invite you, the purchaser of this book, to read the text slowly, high-light concepts you’d like to revisit, complete the exercises, journal your thoughts and apply what you’ve learned. Keep moving forward no matter what!

Always remember, life is a process. Healing is a process. Change is a process. Be gentle with yourself while on your journey. Stay your course, encourage and congratulate yourself often and most importantly, honor yourself for the unique and sacred individual that you are! You are deserving and capable of living a beautiful life!
I am extremely honored to assist you on your healing path.

I believe in you!
Kristen