Tag: our higher self

Consider The Source

You know that person (or several) in your life that no matter what you do or say, he or she always has some negative reply, controlling remark, victim mentality or wants to blame something irrelevant on you?  I’m sure you know exactly what I’m talking about because we all have them. This post is aimed at how to get better results when dealing those types.

You might think off the bat, Oh yay!  She’s going to give me the best comeback!  Or  I’m about to learn what can really put him or her in their place.  I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not going to do that. What I am going to do is share with you how to change your mind in order to change your experience.

Currently, I’ve been coaching a woman about her horrible boss.  When I say horrible, I mean this guy is angry, blaming, controlling and a non-responsibility taker.  Just a plain out jerk.  The woman absolutely loves her job, but has began to develop anxiety/panic about going there because she may be faced with one of his random tirades.  And when she walks in already emotionally compromised, any exchange sets her reeling and she is then unable to perform at her best. The higher ups seem to be doing nothing about him because not enough people have stepped forward and she was at her wits end.

We first had a convo about how we cannot ever change another person.  How the only way to change any relationship is to change OUR side of the equation.  I invited her to begin to view him differently – as a man in pain instead of a blood thirsty villain. A person who has so little self-worth that he always has to point outward because pointing inward just may be his entire demise (or so his ego thinks). We talked about how she was responsible for the energy she brought to the table and the energy of fear and cowering would only perpetuate his bullying behavior.

My client is highly loved by ALL of her supervisors. She has enough people telling her what a good job she’s doing to ensure her position, but somehow Jerk Boss eats away at her worth.  I asked her to check her fear at the door and step into her higher self- the woman who is well-loved and respected at work.  I asked her to begin to view Jerk Boss from a different angle.  We renamed him “Man in Pain”.  I explained how she had to consider the source with every word and deed that came from him.  A person in pain simply cannot be loving and it has nothing to so with us!  One might argue that his behavior is still unacceptable, and I completely agree.  However, there are relationships we encounter that we simply have to put up with for the time being and for her, this was one of them.

When we begin to view others’ uncomely behavior as pain seeping outward, compassion enters the picture.  When compassion enters, we are better able to come from our higher self.  This does not condone what they are doing or saying AND we most definitely need to speak up if we are being wrongly accused or blamed.  What happens is, when our response is centered in love, rather than fear, we begin to lose the disempowered feeling and our responses are more centered, clear and powerful rather than weak, meek and cowering. This small change has the power to shift the dynamics of the relationship considerably if we stay on task and don’t give in to fear.

The only person we can ever change is ourselves and the only way to do this effectively is to come from our highest place.  Remember, any action rooted in love eventually prevails.  Any action rooted in fear (ego) will only perpetuate suffering and strife.

Changing your perception leads to changing your energy which then leads to a change in the dynamic.

And in case you’re wondering, when my client walked into work that day with her new perspective, she had a completely different experience with her boss.  :)


Consider Your Motive

Before you make any emotional decision, consider your motive. Our motive is the energy behind the words we say and the behaviors we exhibit. Each word or act we choose has an energy all its own.   No matter what lie we tell ourselves as to why we are doing what we are doing, the energetic motive is still there. We simply cannot hide it or run from it.  It is energy, it is truth and it will be felt.

One of the rules I live by is this:

We cannot hide from one another. We may think that we can but, rest assured, eventually we will be found out.  So why even bother? It is much better to speak our truth with love and without the intent to harm.  This is how we stay in integrity.

We are energetic beings who are constantly emitting frequencies to those around us.  I’m sure you’ve experienced how one person may feel so good to be around and another may feel toxic and dank.  You didn’t ask to feel the energy.  You didn’t have to tune in. It was just there.  You probably didn’t know why you knew what you knew, but you knew it nonetheless!

Same goes for all of our actions.  We may think we are hiding and that others don’t know we are being manipulative, fearful or controlling, but I assure you, even if you are good enough to keep it from other humans, you will never be so good to keep it from the Universe.  Universal energy connects with our energy and every vibe we emit, will attract like vibe back to us.

Why is it that our motive matters?  Because we are in control of our experience and if we don’t clean up our energetic act, we will continue to suffer and continue to attract the same negative energy (experiences/people/circumstances) into our lives.

Recently, I was faced with a situation where I needed to respond to a person. In the past, this person had caused tremendous upheaval in our lives and I would have been quite justified in constructing a classy f*ck you in response. All who know of the situation agreed that it was more than okay for me to speak my truth.  It really was a slam dunk kind of story.  I thought long and hard and penned a beautiful, classy response and even got it approved by my most conscious, truth telling friends. Each one agreed it was well-worded and stood up for me in a quietly powerful way.  The time had come for me to hit “send” and I didn’t…  I couldn’t…  I questioned what my hold up was?  Was this fear?  But it was not…

What was holding me back was my motive.  The hidden, subconscious motive (that slipped by all my buddies) was that my response was energetically aimed to harm, not to heal.  It was rooted in darkness (ego), not in Light.  I was intending to separate, not to unify and I knew it.  I wanted to hurt this person as they had hurt us and I almost acted just…like…they…did!

I had not conducted myself through all the past drama with dignity, grace and class to ruin it all with a hidden motive.  My integrity was squeaky clean regarding any responses or exchanges with this person up until now, and I almost blew it based on the hidden urging of my lower self/ego.  I felt much better when I chose a response that was powerful, but rooted in love instead of attack.

Learning to stop, think and consider before making a decision or responding to another, is the behavior of the empowered!  When we don’t feel driven to prove we are right, we have responded from our Highest Self.  As long as we keep our energy high and do our best, the Universe will reciprocate in kind.  Allow your energy to be far more valuable than a fleeting moment of instant gratification brought on by a cheap shot.

Let us always remember that we are responsible for ourselves (and our energy) at all times. Let God handle the crappy characters in your life.  Keep your hands (and energy) clean.  It is simply not worth it to lower yourself to another’s level, ever.

Consider your motives and you’ll be quite happy that you did!