Tag: gratitude

How Jealousy Can Change the Trajectory of Your Life

jealousy

It was recently brought to my attention that some people delete their Facebook accounts because they hate to see other people’s happy lives. This notion took me by surprise as it was something I, personally, have not considered.

Naturally, it got me thinking.

Is it possible my Facebook posts piss people off? Is someone out there jealous of the happy times I share? Could I be the reason someone shuts down their Facebook?

If I knew this to be true, I would respond like this:

My family and I have gone through more tribulations than most people I know. I’ve shared quite a bit of it on Facebook and my blogs, although there is much more that I keep behind the scenes to protect the privacy of others.

But in spite of our trials, we’ve triumphed. I’m now watching the manifestation of my focal points taking form in the physical world. I find myself mesmerized as I watch one beautiful moment after another unfold around me. In awestruck wonder, I often ask myself:

Is this really happening? Do you see what I see? Is this really the beneficial reaping of my focus, determination and healing?

 Each sweet moment, every tiny victory and each step of spiritual growth has become super important to me. I cherish it. I roll around in it. I allow it to integrate into my spirit.

Posting on Facebook is my personal way of shouting from the mountaintops with outstretched arms, “Thank you, God! I see what I have, I’m receiving it and I’m so incredibly grateful!”

My hope would be for you to understand where I’ve been and how important celebrating my “good stuff” is for me.

One might be thinking,  You just don’t understand. My life is a mess. Nothing goes my way. It’s hard for me to be happy for anyone because I’m so miserable.

Oh, my dear… I understand more than you know. And you have the power to change that.

In my not-so-distant past, I was in the gutter so low I felt my life was over. I believed a happy life was only reserved for others. Depression, anxiety, self-loathing and negativity were oozing out of my pores.

In December of 2010 all my brothers and their families were gathered at our mother’s house for Christmas. Everyone was joyfully chatting and laughing with their spouses by their sides. I had just entered “my tsunami”. My husband had abandoned our family and left us homeless and incomeless. I couldn’t get past the belief that I was the “loser divorced child”. I desperately wanted what they had.

I could barely contain my depression, sadness and unworthiness. I wanted to hide out in my room until the holiday was over then slink back into my dreadful existence without anyone watching. It was a painfully lonely and shameful time.

However, after a couple days of my self-induced hell, I reminded myself of something…

Their lives aren’t perfect. No one’s is. They have their own trials and tribulations too. Their “stuff” just looks different than mine does. I’m not broken, flawed or beyond redemption! My life simply took a weird ass left turn and I have some grieving and healing to do. Nothing more. Nothing less.

In that moment, I chose a different perception and with no prompting, the density of my emotion began to ease up. I chose to view the happiness and well-being of others as a place I wanted to return to, not a place of jealousy and self-loathing.  

 I chose thoughts that would put me on the trajectory of victory rather than thoughts that kept me rooted in the ghastly hell of victimhood.

And you can too.

Pity parties are desperately unproductive. Sometimes we have to kick our own butt and get back in the game!

So I ask you, dear friend, do you see other people’s lives through the filter of regret, despair, loneliness, discouragement, jealousy and/or unworthiness?

If you answered Yes, you can change your path right now by focusing on these

3 Steps That Will Change Your Life Trajectory:

  1.  Focus on what is going right in your life instead of what is not. No matter what storm we are in, there are always blessings afoot. Take notice and practice gratitude.
  2. Celebrate others’ happiness and victories. Focusing on others’ “good stuff” creates an energetic change in you thus an energetic change in your direction. When we focus on better feeling emotions, we align ourselves for better experiences to come our way.
  3. View others’ “good stuff” as a point of reference. Instead of being jealous or resentful of their life, use their experience to inspire you to reach higher for yourself and your family. If they can have it, so can you! When we align ourselves with healing, healing will come.

Our experience of life is how we choose to perceive it. We can choose to see life through bitterness, resentment and jealousy or we can choose to recognize our blessings and others’ blessings as a point of attraction we want more of.

Just as wallowing in despair will give you more to despair about, basking in your blessings will bring you more to bask about!

Much Love,

KB

The Miracle Of Gratitude

Several years back I went through a tremendously difficult period of time.  Everything that I had known and attached onto in the physical world was gone.  My life had been turned upside down and emptied out much like one would do with a bathroom trashcan.  All that was left of me, was a floundering spirit not sure which way to go or how on earth I was ever going to recover from this emotional and physical upheaval.

*The full story is in my book.

For all practical purposes, I had nothing to feel joyful for.  Depression was very prevalent in my existence. Daily tasks were difficult.  I would wait to grocery shop or do laundry until I literally had no choice but to do so.  I could hardly stand to witness my brothers with their families, holidays were anxiety ridden and sad and suffice it to say, even though I had put on a brave face and showed up the best I could, I know my company must have been dank to be around.

The one thing I can say, is that I was actively seeking for healing.  It was slow at first, but I could feel little micro-bursts of light coming in.  It wasn’t every day, nor did they last but a millisecond, but they were there.  My logical brain kept telling me, “It won’t be like this forever. Just hang in there.”  However, my fearful disclaimer (ego) would attempt to discount any hope as soon as it arose.  I had to literally force myself to keep a keen eye on the light no matter how minute it was.

Along my path, I began to read about the power of gratitude.  I can’t tell you from what author or teacher it came, but all at once it was brought into my awareness.  Hmmmmm gratitude, eh?  Weeeeell, I don’t know about that!  First off, I don’t have anything to be grateful for!  My life is a wreck!

However, I decided to explore this tool/option/idea further and made the concerted effort to give it a go.  Every night as I was falling asleep I would recite my gratitude list.  At first, it felt like I was lying to myself.  The list felt contrived and fake.  Even though I was listing them, I wasn’t truly feeling them. Yes, these things are in my life, but ALL of this other sh*t is here too!

I can’t say it was an explosion of joy that came all at once like a firework in the sky, but I can tell you, my anxiety began to ease up, my breathing started to slow, my days became quieter, my decisions made easier, my smile came back, I started singing in the car and even breaking out in random dance when a great song would come on.

Whoooaaaa!  Where on earth did this come from?  This is the old Kristen! My, have I missed her…

My sweet, long-lost, beautiful friend, joy, was back.  And with joy came her cohorts:  hope and faith.  My life and attitude were shifting.  At first, I didn’t wanted to believe it and I was a little afraid of feeling joy again because I was still “white-knuckling” my existence waiting for another bomb to drop.  I recognized that I was sabotaging myself and I made a conscious, directed decision to believe that the joy I was feeling was for me to embrace and enjoy.

Oftentimes in my life during moments of God’s miracles, I simply have no words…  I literally just shake my head in amazement and say, “Wow… Thank you, Spirit.”  In fact, I find myself doing that now as I’m writing this piece.  The change in my life was indescribable, but oh so beautiful.

Gratitude is much like presence.  When you feel it, embrace and focus on it, nothing else can come up.  All that plagues you is released.  The mind relaxes. A new perspective comes.  Fresh ideas emerge.  Intuition is more clear and peace comes.  Much like love, gratitude can work miracles in our lives if we are willing to invite it in.

I encourage everyone who reads this (no matter if life is grand or not-so-grand right now) to start a practice of gratitude.  All that you need, you already have.  It’s right before you, holding your hand.  You have not been forgotten nor will you ever be! Spirit is in our lives at all times and what we focus on, we attract more of.

Open your heart to all the wonders and blessings in your life!  They are there!  I promise.