Tag: empowerment

6 Steps To Discover What’s Really Bothering You

Yesterday I was feeling angst. I didn’t know why, I couldn’t explain it, I just knew it was there. When I had a moment to have a conversation with a good friend, I started right smack in the middle. “I’m feeling grrrr today and I don’t know why. Have you noticed I’m off my game?” She agreed without judgment and asked me to explain further so I did.

As I recalled events of the previous few days, I was able to locate the cause of the grrrr and I could feel myself wanting to blame someone. However, knowing what I know, we blame when we are attempting to give away our power by putting the focus on another. Even though my ego was fighting me hard, I consciously knew it wasn’t the other person’s fault and there was something inside of me that needed my attention.

As we talked, I began to uncover the trigger my loved one had touched. A-ha! There it is… I was then able to discover the root belief/fear that was causing all the chaos and with even more certainty, I knew my person had really done nothing wrong. All this emotional chaos was about me.

Years ago when I went through “My Tsunami”, I was left fairly destitute. I say fairly because fortunately for me, I had family who swept us up and loved us back to healing. However, the foundation rocking that occurred had left a deep wound. My life has completely turned around; however, the wound has not been fully healed. My loved one’s fear had reopened my wound and unbeknownst to me, I was floating around in the unconscious space of fear, insecurity and lack once again. My wound had been touched and I was allowing it take over my well-being and emotions.

My fear had manifested as frustration and anger as it often does for us. Being a person who resonates centeredness the majority of the time, I recognized my grrrrr as unusual and fought my finger-pointing-blaming ego so I could take the steps to locate the cause and hopefully feel better!

As all empowerment work, it is our duty to keep close tabs on ourselves by recognizing our dis-ease and doing what it takes to move through it. In Chapter 5 of my book, From Doormat to Sweet Empowerment, I discuss the importance of Building A Supportive Community and this story exemplifies this perfectly.

In order to discover/uncover what is subconsciously bothering you, follow the outline below.

6 Steps to Discover the Cause of Angst:

  1. Recognize your angst! Give yourself grace and space to feel off-center. Be willing to own your mood and know there is a root thought causing the problem.


  1. Take it to a mighty companion. If you cannot seem to locate the root of your mood, be willing to ask for help. Talk therapy with someone who knows you and your story can speed up the discovery.


  1. Sit with the discovery. Revel in the miracle of discovery. Allow yourself to truly feel and understand why you were triggered. Let it sink in.


  1. Turn your fear around. Find statements that support your healing. As in: This belief is simply not true. I am grateful I was shown this wound so I can heal it further. Amplify your discovery with three or more additional, postitive statements as to why your fear is not true.


  1. Take ownership of your healing. Be willing to own anything you wrongfully said to your triggering person in attempt to blame outwardly. Share your discovery – give your person a glimpse into your soul. Most often we will find our discovery becomes healing ground for both parties.


  1. Return to joy. Believe in your turn around statements. Allow your joy to return. You’ve done well!

Oftentimes in life, we don’t take the time to pay attention to ourselves. We allow ourselves to move from one mood to the next without much recognition and continually complain or point outward, thus, never moving through what is really causing all the upheaval. And unfortunately, a large piece of the world operates this way so it’s not often someone will stop us and say, “Hey, what’s going on with you? I’m sensing you’re not yourself, do you need some help?”

When we surround ourselves with truth seekers, healers and awareness chasers, we position ourselves for victory. We no longer have band-wagoners (people who agree with us no matter what) as friends. We have mighty companions who care about our well-being as much as their own.  They are beloved souls who are willing to sit in the bog with us as we wade through the muck and uncover/discover the truth all the while loving (not judging) us through it.

Your community matters. YOU matter.

Thank you, Lisa, for being my safe place yesterday. I appreciate and love you.

Consider Your Motive

Before you make any emotional decision, consider your motive. Our motive is the energy behind the words we say and the behaviors we exhibit. Each word or act we choose has an energy all its own.   No matter what lie we tell ourselves as to why we are doing what we are doing, the energetic motive is still there. We simply cannot hide it or run from it.  It is energy, it is truth and it will be felt.

One of the rules I live by is this:

We cannot hide from one another. We may think that we can but, rest assured, eventually we will be found out.  So why even bother? It is much better to speak our truth with love and without the intent to harm.  This is how we stay in integrity.

We are energetic beings who are constantly emitting frequencies to those around us.  I’m sure you’ve experienced how one person may feel so good to be around and another may feel toxic and dank.  You didn’t ask to feel the energy.  You didn’t have to tune in. It was just there.  You probably didn’t know why you knew what you knew, but you knew it nonetheless!

Same goes for all of our actions.  We may think we are hiding and that others don’t know we are being manipulative, fearful or controlling, but I assure you, even if you are good enough to keep it from other humans, you will never be so good to keep it from the Universe.  Universal energy connects with our energy and every vibe we emit, will attract like vibe back to us.

Why is it that our motive matters?  Because we are in control of our experience and if we don’t clean up our energetic act, we will continue to suffer and continue to attract the same negative energy (experiences/people/circumstances) into our lives.

Recently, I was faced with a situation where I needed to respond to a person. In the past, this person had caused tremendous upheaval in our lives and I would have been quite justified in constructing a classy f*ck you in response. All who know of the situation agreed that it was more than okay for me to speak my truth.  It really was a slam dunk kind of story.  I thought long and hard and penned a beautiful, classy response and even got it approved by my most conscious, truth telling friends. Each one agreed it was well-worded and stood up for me in a quietly powerful way.  The time had come for me to hit “send” and I didn’t…  I couldn’t…  I questioned what my hold up was?  Was this fear?  But it was not…

What was holding me back was my motive.  The hidden, subconscious motive (that slipped by all my buddies) was that my response was energetically aimed to harm, not to heal.  It was rooted in darkness (ego), not in Light.  I was intending to separate, not to unify and I knew it.  I wanted to hurt this person as they had hurt us and I almost acted just…like…they…did!

I had not conducted myself through all the past drama with dignity, grace and class to ruin it all with a hidden motive.  My integrity was squeaky clean regarding any responses or exchanges with this person up until now, and I almost blew it based on the hidden urging of my lower self/ego.  I felt much better when I chose a response that was powerful, but rooted in love instead of attack.

Learning to stop, think and consider before making a decision or responding to another, is the behavior of the empowered!  When we don’t feel driven to prove we are right, we have responded from our Highest Self.  As long as we keep our energy high and do our best, the Universe will reciprocate in kind.  Allow your energy to be far more valuable than a fleeting moment of instant gratification brought on by a cheap shot.

Let us always remember that we are responsible for ourselves (and our energy) at all times. Let God handle the crappy characters in your life.  Keep your hands (and energy) clean.  It is simply not worth it to lower yourself to another’s level, ever.

Consider your motives and you’ll be quite happy that you did!




Recognizing Your Doormat Tendencies

It can be a very difficult thing to admit where we have been a doormat in our lives.  I hear the excuses repeatedly in others’ words as I, too, historically had heard the excuses repeatedly in my own.  The thing we have to realize, is the mechanics of “why” we have such a hard time admitting the truth of our behaviors.  Most often it is not because we don’t want see it, but because our ego does not want us to see it.  It is fighting against our growth.   Our ego is very cunning and very sly.  It can fill our heads with bounties of shame and belittlement, in a sense forcing us to ignore the truth before us.  Since, we already have a poor self-worth (shame), to admit yet another “fault” can feel like too much to bear so we subconsciously keep it hidden in hopes to hold onto some semblance of worth – even if it is false worth.

When we begin to recognize our doormat behaviors, the doors begin to swing wide open for healing and advancement and over time, this would mean death to the ego (our lower self).  I have to admit I have heard some pretty darn creative excuses in my time!  Each and every time, I come to know even more deeply how much power we give over to our to our egos and how little we have honored our authentic selves.

The road to empowerment is all about radical honesty with self.  It’s about standing up and saying:

Yes, I handed my power over to him/her right there!  This is precisely the place I go wrong every time.

Oftentimes, I believe we are deeply afraid to admit our doormat areas because that will mean we have to do something different right now, this minute, and we simply are not yet healed or prepared enough to do so.

Rest assured, admittance is only the first step to healing.  No one can make you do anything that you are not truly ready for.  Know and understand that recognition of your disempowered ways is merely the gateway to building up your strength, faith and courage to be able to act from a higher place whenever you are ready to do so.

Recovering from doormat hood is just that… a recovery.  It takes time, commitment and tenacity to start to living empowerment in all areas of your life.  To whole-heartedly admit your doormat tendencies, is to say YES to a better way of living… A life of brimming with respect, honor and fulfilled dreams.