Tag: divorce

How Jealousy Can Change the Trajectory of Your Life


It was recently brought to my attention that some people delete their Facebook accounts because they hate to see other people’s happy lives. This notion took me by surprise as it was something I, personally, have not considered.

Naturally, it got me thinking.

Is it possible my Facebook posts piss people off? Is someone out there jealous of the happy times I share? Could I be the reason someone shuts down their Facebook?

If I knew this to be true, I would respond like this:

My family and I have gone through more tribulations than most people I know. I’ve shared quite a bit of it on Facebook and my blogs, although there is much more that I keep behind the scenes to protect the privacy of others.

But in spite of our trials, we’ve triumphed. I’m now watching the manifestation of my focal points taking form in the physical world. I find myself mesmerized as I watch one beautiful moment after another unfold around me. In awestruck wonder, I often ask myself:

Is this really happening? Do you see what I see? Is this really the beneficial reaping of my focus, determination and healing?

 Each sweet moment, every tiny victory and each step of spiritual growth has become super important to me. I cherish it. I roll around in it. I allow it to integrate into my spirit.

Posting on Facebook is my personal way of shouting from the mountaintops with outstretched arms, “Thank you, God! I see what I have, I’m receiving it and I’m so incredibly grateful!”

My hope would be for you to understand where I’ve been and how important celebrating my “good stuff” is for me.

One might be thinking,  You just don’t understand. My life is a mess. Nothing goes my way. It’s hard for me to be happy for anyone because I’m so miserable.

Oh, my dear… I understand more than you know. And you have the power to change that.

In my not-so-distant past, I was in the gutter so low I felt my life was over. I believed a happy life was only reserved for others. Depression, anxiety, self-loathing and negativity were oozing out of my pores.

In December of 2010 all my brothers and their families were gathered at our mother’s house for Christmas. Everyone was joyfully chatting and laughing with their spouses by their sides. I had just entered “my tsunami”. My husband had abandoned our family and left us homeless and incomeless. I couldn’t get past the belief that I was the “loser divorced child”. I desperately wanted what they had.

I could barely contain my depression, sadness and unworthiness. I wanted to hide out in my room until the holiday was over then slink back into my dreadful existence without anyone watching. It was a painfully lonely and shameful time.

However, after a couple days of my self-induced hell, I reminded myself of something…

Their lives aren’t perfect. No one’s is. They have their own trials and tribulations too. Their “stuff” just looks different than mine does. I’m not broken, flawed or beyond redemption! My life simply took a weird ass left turn and I have some grieving and healing to do. Nothing more. Nothing less.

In that moment, I chose a different perception and with no prompting, the density of my emotion began to ease up. I chose to view the happiness and well-being of others as a place I wanted to return to, not a place of jealousy and self-loathing.  

 I chose thoughts that would put me on the trajectory of victory rather than thoughts that kept me rooted in the ghastly hell of victimhood.

And you can too.

Pity parties are desperately unproductive. Sometimes we have to kick our own butt and get back in the game!

So I ask you, dear friend, do you see other people’s lives through the filter of regret, despair, loneliness, discouragement, jealousy and/or unworthiness?

If you answered Yes, you can change your path right now by focusing on these

3 Steps That Will Change Your Life Trajectory:

  1.  Focus on what is going right in your life instead of what is not. No matter what storm we are in, there are always blessings afoot. Take notice and practice gratitude.
  2. Celebrate others’ happiness and victories. Focusing on others’ “good stuff” creates an energetic change in you thus an energetic change in your direction. When we focus on better feeling emotions, we align ourselves for better experiences to come our way.
  3. View others’ “good stuff” as a point of reference. Instead of being jealous or resentful of their life, use their experience to inspire you to reach higher for yourself and your family. If they can have it, so can you! When we align ourselves with healing, healing will come.

Our experience of life is how we choose to perceive it. We can choose to see life through bitterness, resentment and jealousy or we can choose to recognize our blessings and others’ blessings as a point of attraction we want more of.

Just as wallowing in despair will give you more to despair about, basking in your blessings will bring you more to bask about!

Much Love,


When Leavers Leave Us

I know how easy it can be to want to hang on to the one who is leaving us.  We begin all kinds of mental gymnastics looking for a way to get them to stay.  We hash and rehash past scenarios and want to beat ourselves up for whatever we said or did that we perceive is the reason he or she left. We take their exit words as gospel and fall deeply into the pit of despair. We think: if only I could have done it differently!

We begin to imagine life without them and panic sets in.  We are frightened that we will never find another – that we aren’t worthy of a loving relationship – that something is terribly different or wrong with us. Depression sets in and we cannot see life beyond the pain we are currently in.

People leave for ALL kinds of reasons!  And believe it or not, unless you are an abuser, an adulterer or an addict, those reasons have nothing to do with you.  Although some leavers take full responsibility, most often they don’t.  They choose to blame their partners and inflict even deeper wounds to justify their exit or betrayal.

Unfortunately, through the haze of our pain and anguish, we cannot see reality clearly. All we want is our person back.  For things to be as they once were.  To forget all of this nonsense and continue forth. To kiss and make up and act as though it never happened.

In times like these, it is mega important to stop looking at the situation one dimensionally.  What your person is doing or has done is about them, not you. To personalize it is to not only stunt your healing, but to sabotage your life. One might say: how can I not personalize it?!  He/she left me!

I completely understand that notion. I’ve been there before.  The “how to” is knowing that your person came on board with a living and breathing past.  Whatever happened to them in their life (that has not been healed) has now dictated their future.  You happen to be collateral damage of an unhealed heart. We will always bring our pasts forward into our relationships unless we do the work to heal them.  It’s not “if”, it’s”when”.  It may take months or even decades to unfold, but somehow, some way, it will.

It’s not your fault.

Your life is not over and you are deserving more than ever of a reciprocal loving and respectful relationship.

Take a good, long look at yourself.  What do you see?

Would you date you?  Would you be your friend?  Would you marry you?  If the answers are Yes, it’s time to stop giving your power away by playing victim and get on with what the Universe has in store for you!  Nothing is taken away from us that does not have a new and better option to fill its space.  The Universe abhors a vacuum. Where there is space to fill, you can bet the Universe is working to fill it for you. However, this cannot happen unless we get up, brush off and get back to living this glorious existence that is ours to explore and celebrate.

In my opinion, any leaving is a blessing in disguise.  You may not see it now, but it will be if you choose the “victory path” forward and reclaim your life, your joy.  All pain serves our growth in some way if we are willing and courageous enough to point ourselves in that direction.  In fact, most often we come out the other side even better and more brilliant than we were before!

It’s time to set down the sadness.  It’s time to claim your worth, your freedom, your second chance and your empowerment!

Tell me that you will!