Tag: desperate for relationship

Dating With Eyes WIDE OPEN

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Most of us set out into the dating world hoping to land our idea partner quickly and effortlessly. However, sometimes we crave this connection so badly; we lose sight of or ignore the truth of what boloney we are seeing in our partner and chose only to see the “good”. The desperation we have for companionship can often outweigh our logic and intuition. We end up denying or making excuses for behavior that is substandard to our worth in order not to be alone.

Although I honor the soul who focuses on the good in others; the dating world requires removing all veils and entering with eyes WIDE open.

Closing our eyes to truth not to be alone is the sure path to pain. When we are desperate for attention and love, we undermine our potential by ignoring the red flags coming our way. We seek to make him/her love US instead of deciding if we can love him/her!

I know this story well because it was me.

Here’s a thought…

How about if you viewed each dating experience as “practice” rather than a means to an end? An opportunity to practice your authenticity, morals, values and self-worth to see if who you truly are is cohesive with whom he/she truly is? We cannot attract someone who is ideal for us if we are not displaying our genuine nature or we are settling for less than what we deserve. Dating can give us the practice we so desperately need in order to strengthen our self-worth. With a good sense of self-worth, our energy shifts and we begin to attract better people to us.

By viewing dating as practice, we take the expectation and pressure out of the relationship from the start. Instead, we focus on getting to know ourselves and our potential partners before flying into the sack in a mad attempt to seal the deal. As we know, this only results in piles of regret and digs our lack of self-esteem pit even deeper.

Dating is the perfect classroom to discover more fully what we would enjoy in an ideal partner AND it gives us an opportunity to practice our self-worth until it becomes our new normal.

We can’t know what we want until we know what we don’t want.

I remember a time when I thought with every guy I dated, “This is it! He’s the one!” The only requirement for a date was whether I was physically attracted to him and then I’d allow his humor, attention, sex or whatever to take over. I would ignore any and all BS that was coming my way. I’d excuse his crap behavior with, “But we have such a great connection!”   Fooey on connection! Human beings can have connection with oodles of people. We don’t have to view every “connection” as our perfect partner. True connection and lasting companionship begins and ends with respect. If we are not looking any further than surface, every time we attempt to go deeper or feel more secure, we will experience disappointment.

“Connection” with a potential partner should only signal us to look a little closer and begin exploring more deeply who this person really is.

It took several ridiculous relationships for me to finally realize I had a pattern and that pattern was not knowing what I wanted and deserved and settling each time out of desperation.

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Relationships are designed to show us our patterns if we are willing to see them. They will show us precisely where we live our worth and where we do not.

“Wherever we are disempowered, someone will overpower.”  – Dr. John Demartini 

Furthermore, relationships will show us where we are compromising our sacred self not to be alone and just how much disrespect we are willing to take until we are broken once again.

It’s important to remember this little fact:

If we are not requiring anything better, we will not get anything better.

A healthy, reciprocal relationship requires a healthy you. By dating with eyes wide open, you are being given the perfect space to practice honoring yourself each and every time an opportunity arises. This is how we cultivate self-worth and this is how we attract our ideal mate!

Your thoughts?

Audio Interview With Kristen Brown- Overcoming The Fear Of Being Single

Do you have a fear of being single?

Are you in a hurry to partner up as quickly as possible?

Do you feel like something is wrong with you because you haven’t met your lifer yet?

In this interview, Kristen Brown shares valuable information that will help dispel your fears and create insightful perspective that will shift your perception of singledom for good.  Take a listen!  You’ll be glad you did!

Overcoming The Fear Of Being Single

We are innately designed to desire companionship and that is perfectly okay! What is not okay is when we compromise our sacred self and our morals and values in order not to be alone. In this dynamic, out of subconscious desperation, we end up hooking up with half of what we truly desire from a partner, and then we spend the following months and/or years attempting to change him/her in order to fit our mold. In essence, we end up alone even though we are coupled up!

Furthermore, if we jump right back into a relationship after having just exited one, we are entering a new relationship from the exact same level of vibration and self-worth that we just left. We may be thinking, “This is a new partner. It will be totally different.” Yes, to a certain extent it will be because you are dealing with a different cat; however, the core of the relationship will be based on the same level of awareness as the previous one. And the previous one before that and the one before that!

All great change starts with a change in perception and then locating the tools to make it happen.

If we view aloneness as “bad”, we may feel depressed, unworthy, grabby, needy and most definitely powerless. This is not what we want, because when we feel powerless to our experience (lack of self-love), we are desperate for any scraps that may come our way. We want so desperately to fill our void that we settle for much less than we are worth. Our wants and needs will go unchecked and we will end up in yet another unhappy relationship.

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Now, if we can successfully shift our perception to: “aloneness is good for me right now”, we will lift the heavy emotional burden we’ve been carrying and open ourselves up to new levels of awareness, information and wisdom that will ultimately lead us to an entirely different outcome.

When we give ourselves a chance to reconfigure and restart, we can clear out unwanted data (fears and unworthiness) that may have kept us allowing the unacceptable. It’s all about gathering new information and processing through it completely to devise a better plan for the next go ‘round.

Even though our past relationships may have not worked out, they possess powerful learning potential! The information we glean can set us on right course to healing if we process it correctly and seek to remove the filter we have been seeing ourselves and our person through. A new, empowered filter will create an entirely different experience.

I love to view aloneness as Re-Creation Time. It’s the time we spend getting to know ourselves on a deeper level. It’s about re-creating ourselves anew. In my opinion, the space between relationships is valuable processing and healing time and it should not be overlooked or forgotten about so that one can quickly fill the void.

The void has been described by many as the space between what we have now and what we desire.

As uncomfortable as it may feel, it is important to resist filling the void too quickly.

No aloneness is ever in vain if we take advantage of the free space we have been provided and seek to better empower ourselves. All space is divinely created and we can either exploit it by charging bar to bar and hopping from dating site to dating site OR we can take a breath, chill the heck out and do a little self-empowerment work.

Believe me, when it is time for your right person to show up, it won’t be because you forced yourself into someone’s life. It will be because you have done the work to heal your disempowered places and your improved energy will attract a person who will honor you from this new place.

Your thoughts?