Tag: change in perception

Stubbornness Is False Empowerment

I used to observe the stubborn people around me and wonder why on earth they felt the need to take a stand over something so minute or something that clearly wasn’t going to serve anyone’s highest good. I observed it. I studied it. I went within. I took it to God. Then I realized that stubbornness is often born to those who feel powerless in life. Somewhere along the line they learned that the only way to be heard, to get what they wanted or to matter was to burrow in so deep they were unmovable. To the stubborn one this may (for a moment) feel like strength; however, soon thereafter a piece of them will feel silly for their narrow views and bratty behavior and regret will follow.

We simply do not have to act like petulant children to get what we want out of life. Stubbornness to achieve a well-placed, well-intended goal is great. Stubbornness born out of a need to feel powerful is not. It causes disruption, disharmony and lack of connection. It separates one from another. Believe it or not, it makes “your” vision more important than another’s vision. And if we are really honest with ourselves, when our stubborn stance is challenged by others’ opinions, we may start to see a better way but feel too embarrassed to retract our stand because we’ve made such a fuss. Now we are stuck with the previous choice and the regret that will inevitably follow. The stubborn one has no idea that his cry for empowerment has trumped his true power and all he has successfully proven is how ridiculous he can be.


How To Release Stubbornness

When we do the work to heal our lack of worthiness (yes, that sneaky devil is behind this) we stop feeling the need to dig in. We become open to options and opinions and actually welcome input from others because worthiness understands we can’t know it all and there may be some great information out there worth listening to. The empowered understands that “personal power” comes from knowledge and wisdom and taking all external information and processing it effectively to make the best choice. There is peace in this process where as stubbornness feels prickly and uncomfortable for all involved.


Worthiness doesn’t allow us to backdoor our way to power. It naturally exudes strength through active listening, research and exploring options. When we feel and know our worth, we let go of our disjointed behaviors that may be causing disruption where there really needn’t be any and replace them with solid, educated decisions.

I understand that sometimes there is a necessity to hold firm in front of certain people and any sign of perceived “weakness” may be exploited to the point that your opinion goes unnoticed. However, isn’t it better to gather information prior to making your final decision rather than having to backtrack later after you’ve made such a fuss? The latter only proves further that the stance you’ve so vehemently took was for naught. With that, we teach others that our stance is weak and eventually we will be proven ineffective. Our stubbornness eventually becomes a joke to those around us and they eventually lose faith in our decision making capabilities.  In the end, we will get exactly what we were trying to avoid.

Empowerment is allowing yourself time to discover ALL options.

Empowerment means being open to a change of heart.

Empowerment is the giving of kudos to another when they’ve enlightened you to a better way.

Empowerment is taking time to decide your position prior to digging your heels in.

Empowerment is exuding your personal power naturally without bullying tactics or hard lines.

Empowerment is gentle but firm.

Is it time for you to let your stubborn nature go? A change in perception can change your direction right here, right now. The choice is yours.

Your thoughts?

What Is Letting Go (Surrender) And How Do I Achieve It?

Last night I had a conversation regarding “letting go” and what it means. (Just for the record, I oftentimes call it “surrender”) I believe when we understand what letting go really means, we are better able to implement it into our learning experiences and lives. Here’s how I see it…

I view letting go as giving the issue/problem/suffering/turmoil at hand over to God. This does not mean we relinquish responsibility or our capacity to act and speak for change and/or resolution. It means when we are in a situation that is bigger than us, we open our arms and our hearts and we give it to God. We surrender (relinquish control) the situation in such a way that does not mean we are giving up; it means we are “giving over”.

“Holy Spirit, I am giving this to you to handle because I am ill-equipped in this area. I don’t know what to do. I need your help. I know you see everything through Divine eyes and you will guide me successfully to my next move. Amen.”


I believe it was Marianne Williamson who explained it something like this… “The only way to take full responsibility for our lives is to surrender to God.”

In other words…

Our fear-based or egoic thinking cannot get us through life successfully. We screw things up when we approach the problem from the same level of thinking we were at when it was created. By calling upon God, we are open to receiving new interpretations and perceptions.

A change in perception will create a change in direction.

By calling up the greatest superpower of the Universe, it is like calling in the most intelligent problem solver ever known to man. It’s an understanding that we do not know it all. It’s about humbling to our limited capabilities and asking for an expert to show us the way.


When I went through my darkest hour, I came to know I simply had no control. The forces of my storm were throwing me here, rocking me there and slamming me face first into gravely ground. I liken this feeling to a time I was in Maui and naively frolicking in the ocean. Being raised in the desert, I had no clue regarding the ocean and it’s somewhat temperamental ways. All seemed calm and well until seemingly out of nowhere, a monstrous wave appeared and smashed me down. I was pushed to the ocean’s floor in an instant and dragged hard through rocks and sand. I had no time to react and I had no air. The force was so powerful it took the air out of my lungs and the swimsuit off my body. (Yes, I had to stand up naked- but that’s another story) I had no control. I quickly decided that to fight against it was futile and I my best choice was to surrender into the flow until the wave’s power subsided. All at once, the motion stopped and I was able to upright myself.

Similar to this physical experience, I learned I had to do the same with my emotional experience. I had to relax into the flow until I was led safely to my destination and could regain footing. I was far too fear-ridden to see anything clearly, so I chose to wait until I was capable of doing so. When I finally whole-heartedly “let go”, everything began to fall into place. Bing. Bang. Boom. It was brilliant and so perfect, there was no way I could have ever aligned it all. The right people were put before me. The right information landed in my hands. And all happened at just the right time. In hindsight, I could clearly see how my limited thinking was only messing things up further and perpetuating my suffering.

Surrendering doesn’t mean we stand still and close down. It does not mean we dry up and blow away. It means we open our hearts! It means we understand that God has our back! It means we have full trust and full faith in a force so powerful It holds galaxies together. It’s a deep inner knowing that all is in Divine Right Order although it may resemble a disaster right now. It’s faith in knowing, you are not exempt from God’s grace and you will be led through this. You are no different than anyone else. You matter, you are taken care of and you are loved.

Open your eyes, open your ears and open your heart center, because when your guidance arrives, you want to be sure to receive it!

Your thoughts?

Overcoming The Fear Of Being Single

We are innately designed to desire companionship and that is perfectly okay! What is not okay is when we compromise our sacred self and our morals and values in order not to be alone. In this dynamic, out of subconscious desperation, we end up hooking up with half of what we truly desire from a partner, and then we spend the following months and/or years attempting to change him/her in order to fit our mold. In essence, we end up alone even though we are coupled up!

Furthermore, if we jump right back into a relationship after having just exited one, we are entering a new relationship from the exact same level of vibration and self-worth that we just left. We may be thinking, “This is a new partner. It will be totally different.” Yes, to a certain extent it will be because you are dealing with a different cat; however, the core of the relationship will be based on the same level of awareness as the previous one. And the previous one before that and the one before that!

All great change starts with a change in perception and then locating the tools to make it happen.

If we view aloneness as “bad”, we may feel depressed, unworthy, grabby, needy and most definitely powerless. This is not what we want, because when we feel powerless to our experience (lack of self-love), we are desperate for any scraps that may come our way. We want so desperately to fill our void that we settle for much less than we are worth. Our wants and needs will go unchecked and we will end up in yet another unhappy relationship.


Now, if we can successfully shift our perception to: “aloneness is good for me right now”, we will lift the heavy emotional burden we’ve been carrying and open ourselves up to new levels of awareness, information and wisdom that will ultimately lead us to an entirely different outcome.

When we give ourselves a chance to reconfigure and restart, we can clear out unwanted data (fears and unworthiness) that may have kept us allowing the unacceptable. It’s all about gathering new information and processing through it completely to devise a better plan for the next go ‘round.

Even though our past relationships may have not worked out, they possess powerful learning potential! The information we glean can set us on right course to healing if we process it correctly and seek to remove the filter we have been seeing ourselves and our person through. A new, empowered filter will create an entirely different experience.

I love to view aloneness as Re-Creation Time. It’s the time we spend getting to know ourselves on a deeper level. It’s about re-creating ourselves anew. In my opinion, the space between relationships is valuable processing and healing time and it should not be overlooked or forgotten about so that one can quickly fill the void.

The void has been described by many as the space between what we have now and what we desire.

As uncomfortable as it may feel, it is important to resist filling the void too quickly.

No aloneness is ever in vain if we take advantage of the free space we have been provided and seek to better empower ourselves. All space is divinely created and we can either exploit it by charging bar to bar and hopping from dating site to dating site OR we can take a breath, chill the heck out and do a little self-empowerment work.

Believe me, when it is time for your right person to show up, it won’t be because you forced yourself into someone’s life. It will be because you have done the work to heal your disempowered places and your improved energy will attract a person who will honor you from this new place.

Your thoughts?