Category: Communication & Projection

Kindness vs. Attack

With affairs of the heart, we tend to want to grasp, cling and try to control because we are so afraid of getting hurt, losing control or losing the love.  We try to manipulate and morph our person into who we think he\she should be in order for us to feel comfortable. What we have not yet understood, is that all of those behaviors cause separation instead of unity.  Attack and control never really gain any forward ground.  We may be able to beat our partner into submission temporarily, but no true healing or connectedness has occurred.

In times of strife in our relationships, gentleness and kindness is key.  When we can find a balance between our self-worth and self-respect and couple that with kindness, we can gain much ground toward improving our union.  Kindness open hearts and allows for sight and sound and all anyone really ever wants is to feel seen and heard.  Once someone feels seen and heard, egos relax and healing can happen.  We simply will not get very far with manipulation strategies and forcing others’ to acquiesce to our ways.

Love is the great miracle cure.

Love (not meaning goo-goo ga-ga, I’m-going-to-die-without-you love), but Real Love, the kind that encompasses the graces of compassion, forgiveness, understanding, insightfulness and kindness is the entryway to conflict resolution. Any actions rooted in love, including well-thought out and placed boundaries, are never wrong.  What is rooted in Love, is rooted in truth and it is truth that can set us free.

This is not to say that this plan is foolproof for ALL relationships.  It’s all depending on both individual parties and where each one is at in his/her own spiritual growth/path.  If a person truly wants for healing, your kindness and gentleness can be just the key to allow this to happen. If your person doesn’t value you or your union, nothing is going to work.

In my life, I’ve experienced both types of these partners: The partners who were not at all interested in growing or forming a more solid bond between us no matter what method of approach I used and the partner who truly wanted to seek for peace and healing and was willing to do what it took to get there.  The former chose to stay stuck and living in his limited existence.  The latter was willing to look at himself (as well as “call me out” appropriately) in order to enhance each others’ lives, seek resolution and to live more joyfully together.

Standing where I am now, I know for sure that having a firm sense of self-worth coupled with the kindness in our heart, can perform miracles in our relationships. Where we were once misunderstood, we can now be heard.  Where there was once fear, there can now be safety.  Where there was once separation and conflict there can now be true connection and peace.

From Doormat to Sweet Empowerment Introduction

from doormat to sweet empowerment book cover

Dear Empowerment Seeker,
After a major life upset brought me to my knees, I set course to heal the unhealthy relationship patterns repeating in my life. I didn’t know how this was going to happen, but I was willing to do whatever it took. It took me two years (by myself) of dedicated work to heal what I now recognize as shame and unworthiness recovery. The results of my work were so astounding, so life-altering, I realized I had cracked the empowerment code.

There is a shame and unworthiness epidemic that plagues humanity. Our healing points show up in our people-pleasing (doormat), approval seeking, controlling, self-protection, mask wearing and desperate behaviors. We all (males and females) have wounds that require healing to attract and maintain the life and relationships we’ve always craved. My goal for writing this book is to help you shorten the learning curve so you can experience your dream life as soon as possible. I’ve done it and I can help you get there.

I have taught this concept to hundreds of people and those truly dedicated to the work, achieved their goal! Healing doesn’t just happen by wishing it so. We must be willing to take radical responsibility for our lives, intake and study new concepts then retrain our conditioned mind by applying what we’ve learned. Healing work is not “difficult”, it’s simply a new method of operating. I sectioned this book into 9 Modules. A module is defined as any number of distinct but interrelated units from which a program may be built. Each module in this book is a component of Shame and Unworthiness Recovery. All equally important.

All stories are true life situations of my own, coaching/consulting clients, friends and family. All names have been changed to protect and respect the privacy of others.
Although I now passionately teach shame and unworthiness recovery, I am a work in progress. I continue to take responsibility for my life, expand my knowledge and practice new concepts and tools. Empowerment is not a destination; it is a way of living.

I invite you, the purchaser of this book, to read the text slowly, high-light concepts you’d like to revisit, complete the exercises, journal your thoughts and apply what you’ve learned. Keep moving forward no matter what!

Always remember, life is a process. Healing is a process. Change is a process. Be gentle with yourself while on your journey. Stay your course, encourage and congratulate yourself often and most importantly, honor yourself for the unique and sacred individual that you are! You are deserving and capable of living a beautiful life!
I am extremely honored to assist you on your healing path.

I believe in you!
Kristen