After dealing with one unhealthy relationship after another, I finally decided I was the common denominator in all of this chaos and I set course to figure out once and for all the culprit causing all the upheaval. What I learned later became the topic of my first book- From Doormat to Sweet Empowerment – A Spiritual Guide To Reclaiming Your Personal Power in Relationships and Life.
Below I outline the quickie version of how to attract a healthy relationship!
Our level of self-worth is directly proportional to the relationships we attract. In other words, how we treat ourselves is almost always how our partner will treat us.
In order to attract a healthy, reciprocally loving and respectful relationship, it is vital that we do our inner work and heal our unworthiness.
Below is a list that is near and dear to my heart as it is the exact format I used to heal my unworthiness in order to attract the loving relationship I enjoy today.
4 Steps to Healing Self-Worth
1. The Discovery Phase – Similar to court cases, this is the time information is gathered. It about becoming radically honest with ourselves about our past relationship’s demise. In essence we are exploring what went wrong.
The discovery phase has the propensity to feel shameful as we explore the “ugly” associated with our relationship’s end. I invite you to do your best to stay neutral during this time. The walk of shame never leads to empowerment – it only perpetuates stuckness.
2. The Sorting Phase – In this step we sort through our partner’s wrongs and our own. Again, we release the need for blame while we openly put our findings into categories. Theirs and Ours.
Yours– Neediness, trust issues, lack of boundaries etc.
Theirs – Lying, disrespectful, substance abuse etc.
It can be very difficult to separate our wrongs from our partners especially when our partner’s bad behavior far outweighs ours. Remember, just because he/she was a jerk, doesn’t mean you didn’t contribute in some way.
Hang with me now! I understand you might be feeling the urge to run! This really works I promise!
3. Responsibility Phase – In this phase we take 100% responsibility for what is ours and ours alone. There may be a lot or there may be very little. No matter what you discover, own it, bring it to the surface and allow it to be seen! In fact, shout “Hallelujah! I’m on my way!”
We only have the power to change ourselves. Any behavior we recognize and own begins to change immediately. What we bring to consciousness is easier to spot and now gives us the opportunity to heal it.
4. The Work Phase – Now that we have taken responsibility for our part, we can begin to heal the underlying wounds that have caused our unhealthy behaviors. This is the phase in which we formulate an Action Plan for Healing by researching our topics, joining support groups, empowerment talks and/or hiring an expert in the field.
Unless or until we do the work to heal ourselves, we will always be approaching relationships from the same energetic level as the past, hence, repeatedly attracting partners who mirror that back to us.
You have all it takes to attract a loving relationship. The only thing stopping you is healing your self-worth and being willing to stand up for it!
*If you desire more information on this topic or are ready to heal your unhealthy behaviors for good, Contact Me Here!