July 31st, 2014
For the delicate hearts of the world, it can seem as though no one respects you or values your feelings. That no matter how kind, generous, supportive or forgiving you may be, you are still exploited. I understand completely because that has been my story of past and is something I still contend with in my own life from time to time (recovering doormat).
What seems to take us so long to understand, is that others may not be functioning from the same level of compassion or understanding as we are and in turn, we are continually blown away, hurt and disappointed when others don’t show up the way we do. And then we continually ask ourselves, “Why does this always happen to me?!”
From my experience, I have learned that recovering from doormathood is a discipline. A discipline based on strong personal boundaries derived from a solid self-worth foundation and a discipline rooted in taking care of one’s own heart even if it is not the popular vote of others around us. It is learning to view the world and outside influences from a totally different perspective. For example:
· Others don’t always think like I think which means my perspective may not ever be seen or understood.
· Others may not care as much as we care. Another’s highest value may not be our experience of the situation, but only their own.
· Others may be willing to blame us for situations gone awry rather than themselves. It takes an evolved soul to really go inward and say, “My bad, I’m sorry.”
· Others may attempt to control us through manipulation and guilt strategies rather than healthy conversations. Avoidance of healing conversation is not on his/her agenda.
Understanding our situations from a healthier perspective will indeed calm us and help us to see the picture more clearly. However, at the end (or beginning) of the day, it is our responsibility to take care of our hearts first and foremost. Our boundaries may rock the boat or upset the status quo; however, any behavior rooted in self-love (not selfishness or ego) is never wrong.
Sometimes there is nothing more we can do in a situation, other than change our own behavior toward it and perhaps the very thing the situation needs is our strength to say, “No more.”