A Sweet Empowerment Short: The Difference Between a Healthy Boundary and Retaliation

April 25th, 2016

A Sweet Empowerment Short ~

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I was recently asked this question:

Where is the line between setting a boundary with someone who hurts you and retaliation against them for hurting you?

Ahh what a brilliant question! Oftentimes boundaries stem from something someone has repeatedly done that hurts or disrespects us thus kicking up some serious emotion. If we are still hot over what our person did, it may be difficult to distinguish between what is a healthy line and what is in fact retaliation.

The answer to this question is quite simple…

Check your motive.

The first step to setting and maintaining a healthy boundary is all about our energy and intention (motive).

A healthy boundary says: I love me and will set limits with you to protect my heart, soul and well-being or that of people in my charge.

Retaliation says: You hurt me and I’m going to hurt you back.

It’s important to remember anytime we set and maintain a healthy boundary, we are not only taking care of self we are equally serving the perpetrator as well.

One might wonder how that is so?

Many times our perps are not even aware of the pain they are inflicting, because they’ve never truly been held responsible for their behavior.

To explain further, many people will keep doing what they have always done because it has always worked to get what they want. They are unconscious to their behavior because no one has ever really bucked it hard enough.

This is why I love boundaries so much! They actually give our perp a chance to see themselves – sometimes for the very first time!

I’ve witnessed so much healing in my own life and of those around me by simply setting and maintaining loving boundaries. Frankly, it still fascinates the crap out of me.

Any boundary set with loving intentions will always make a positive difference in the long run. You may not be able to see it right away; however, I invite you trust the universe and let go of perceived outcomes.

Boundaries are tough stuff. I’ve had to set some hardcore lines with some perpetrators I love dearly. To this day in order to know my boundary is in alignment with a high energetic vibration, I always check my motive and intention first.

When I know for sure my intention is for healing, not for hurting, I feel more comfortable and confident to maintain my line.

Your thoughts?

~ Kristen

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2 responses to “A Sweet Empowerment Short: The Difference Between a Healthy Boundary and Retaliation”

  1. Ian Lambert says:

    I wanted to say that I really appreciate this post. Too many people think that revenge is the same as setting a boundary. I would add to your distinction that one of the differences between a boundary and retaliation is that you clearly communicate the boundary beforehand, letting someone know where exactly the line is and what will happen if they cross it. Retaliation is the same as someone wandering through a darkened maze with electrified walls. They might be charging through and thrashing about and pounding angrily on the walls, but when they get shocked, they’ll be indignant. They will say, “You never told me what I was doing was hurting you, so why are you punishing me?” Clearly communicated boundaries force a person to be responsible for their own behavior, and possibly as you said confront it for the first time.

  2. Kristen Brown says:

    Thank you, Ian, and beautifully stated!

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