Overcoming The Fear Of Being Single
April 20th, 2015
We are innately designed to desire companionship and that is perfectly okay! What is not okay is when we compromise our sacred self and our morals and values in order not to be alone. In this dynamic, out of subconscious desperation, we end up hooking up with half of what we truly desire from a partner, and then we spend the following months and/or years attempting to change him/her in order to fit our mold. In essence, we end up alone even though we are coupled up!
Furthermore, if we jump right back into a relationship after having just exited one, we are entering a new relationship from the exact same level of vibration and self-worth that we just left. We may be thinking, “This is a new partner. It will be totally different.” Yes, to a certain extent it will be because you are dealing with a different cat; however, the core of the relationship will be based on the same level of awareness as the previous one. And the previous one before that and the one before that!
All great change starts with a change in perception and then locating the tools to make it happen.
If we view aloneness as “bad”, we may feel depressed, unworthy, grabby, needy and most definitely powerless. This is not what we want, because when we feel powerless to our experience (lack of self-love), we are desperate for any scraps that may come our way. We want so desperately to fill our void that we settle for much less than we are worth. Our wants and needs will go unchecked and we will end up in yet another unhappy relationship.
Now, if we can successfully shift our perception to: “aloneness is good for me right now”, we will lift the heavy emotional burden we’ve been carrying and open ourselves up to new levels of awareness, information and wisdom that will ultimately lead us to an entirely different outcome.
When we give ourselves a chance to reconfigure and restart, we can clear out unwanted data (fears and unworthiness) that may have kept us allowing the unacceptable. It’s all about gathering new information and processing through it completely to devise a better plan for the next go ‘round.
Even though our past relationships may have not worked out, they possess powerful learning potential! The information we glean can set us on right course to healing if we process it correctly and seek to remove the filter we have been seeing ourselves and our person through. A new, empowered filter will create an entirely different experience.
I love to view aloneness as Re-Creation Time. It’s the time we spend getting to know ourselves on a deeper level. It’s about re-creating ourselves anew. In my opinion, the space between relationships is valuable processing and healing time and it should not be overlooked or forgotten about so that one can quickly fill the void.
The void has been described by many as the space between what we have now and what we desire.
As uncomfortable as it may feel, it is important to resist filling the void too quickly.
No aloneness is ever in vain if we take advantage of the free space we have been provided and seek to better empower ourselves. All space is divinely created and we can either exploit it by charging bar to bar and hopping from dating site to dating site OR we can take a breath, chill the heck out and do a little self-empowerment work.
Believe me, when it is time for your right person to show up, it won’t be because you forced yourself into someone’s life. It will be because you have done the work to heal your disempowered places and your improved energy will attract a person who will honor you from this new place.