Category: Intuition & Divine Guidance

Is This Grief Or Is This Love?


This morning at work I was presented with a new client. Her name was Martha. Then I was introduced to her husband. His name was Juan. I immediately detected a slight Spanish accent with Juan. Just a tinge of what I assumed boasted a Mexican heritage. Accents fascinate me and I love playing a game with myself and others called Guess That Accent!

After I applied Martha’s color and put her under the heater for processing, Juan and I began a conversation. The more we talked the more I felt his accent seeping into the deepest part of my soul. I felt like reaching out and touching his face. What are you thinking?! I wanted to hug him and put my head on his shoulder. Are you crazy? I wanted to feel the essence that was oozing out of his soul. What on earth is going on here?!

In some unexplainably strange way, Juan reminded me of my momma.

I couldn’t help myself and asked Juan what his heritage is. He paused for a moment before stumbling out that he was from Texas. Yeah, that ain’t no Texan accent I’m hearin’. I can only guesstimate that he may have suffered some form of prejudice in the past and was hesitant to share. I pressed on by saying I detect a slight accent. He must have sensed I was reaching for something more and he quietly replied, “I was born in Mexico.”

And then it started.

Tears welled in my eyes and began spilling down my cheeks as our conversation continued. I felt a little perplexed (as I’m sure Juan did) with my sudden burst of emotion so I quickly tried to save him from thinking he had done something wrong.

I began to explain that my mother recently passed away (2/1/15) and she had a slight Spanish accent. For those of you who don’t know, my mother was raised in Cuba from infancy. Although she is not Cuban by heritage, she was Cuban by heart. She brought the Cuban culture she loved so much into our home growing up – food, music, language and all! Her first language was Spanish and I loved it!

No matter how much I cried, Juan didn’t flinch, make any weird expressions or move one inch closer or away from me. He remained peaceful and still.

Through my blubbering and runny nose, I went on to tell him that the Spanish accent always reminds me of my mother and I miss hearing her rap it out with random persons all over this city. Being geographically close to Mexico, Arizona is home to many Mexicans. I believe my mom was friends with every single one of them! She seemed to share a sense of “home” with all Hispanic people even if their country of origin was different than her beloved Cuba.

I told Juan not to worry about my tears as this was a very good thing and that for some random and strange reason he was reminding me of my mom. He nodded slightly while smiling and again, he did not flinch, make a weird expression or move one inch closer or further from me.

Prior to my massive self-healing that took place a few years ago, I rarely cried. I had gotten the message as a child that my tears were annoying and burdensome to others, so I stopped crying altogether. Later in life it took an awful lot to make me cry and it usually had nothing to do with something going on within me, but something going on with someone else. I had forgotten how to cry. One of the things I had to teach myself was to allow for organic emotions and the tears that followed. I’ve been practicing ever since.

And here I was standing in the middle of my place of business crying to a random man.

Wow… life is weird!

So…. I allowed it. I let go. I let it be what it was. I stood shameless in front of anyone who may have been watching. In fact, I was so present, the thought never crossed my mind. I was in it. Every cell in my body was soaking up the essence of Juan. At that moment, I was looking at my mother.

It was cleansing. It was beautiful. It was warm and delicious.

Of course, I have run across many Spanish speaking people since mom’s transition. I even work with a few; however, there was something different here. Something that my words will never describe accurately. There was something happening that was far outside the reaches of my understanding. All I know is that it was real.

After work while driving to pick up my little one from summer camp, I questioned that little scene. What on earth was that? Was that grief? Have I been suppressing emotion? Am I in denial that mom is gone? Those tears came so quickly and so organically. Have I been denying the reality of momma’s transition? I sat with it, I opened my heart and all I heard was, “No Kristen… That was Love” and I knew… plainly and simply…

That was love.

I was not sad. I was not grief stricken. I was merely reminded of and celebrating, in a perfect moment in time, a piece of my mother that I have always admired.

Upon further reflection, I remembered I had asked my momma yesterday to make herself known to me. I was craving a little “touch base” from her and if I could see her that would be so great! Today I saw her, felt her and heard her. She came to me in the form of a 63 year old, silver-haired Mexican man and based on his reaction to my tears, I can bet he houses a similar soul to my momma.

The truth is I am happy my momma no longer suffers here and I can feel her with me all of the time. Our love is strong and eternal. I don’t grieve her, I LOVE her and I celebrate her life! She always touched me with her gentle way and her gorgeous command of Spanish. I remember how even as an adult, I loved to sit and listen to her speak to her friends while trying to decipher the conversation through the few words I could interpret. My momma left a legacy of equality, non-prejudice, kindness and love.

Thank you, Juan, for being my earth angel today. And thank you, Momma, for finding the perfect way for me to feel your essence. I’m still smiling and I will continue to smile every time I think of you.

Much Love,


What Is Letting Go (Surrender) And How Do I Achieve It?

Last night I had a conversation regarding “letting go” and what it means. (Just for the record, I oftentimes call it “surrender”) I believe when we understand what letting go really means, we are better able to implement it into our learning experiences and lives. Here’s how I see it…

I view letting go as giving the issue/problem/suffering/turmoil at hand over to God. This does not mean we relinquish responsibility or our capacity to act and speak for change and/or resolution. It means when we are in a situation that is bigger than us, we open our arms and our hearts and we give it to God. We surrender (relinquish control) the situation in such a way that does not mean we are giving up; it means we are “giving over”.

“Holy Spirit, I am giving this to you to handle because I am ill-equipped in this area. I don’t know what to do. I need your help. I know you see everything through Divine eyes and you will guide me successfully to my next move. Amen.”


I believe it was Marianne Williamson who explained it something like this… “The only way to take full responsibility for our lives is to surrender to God.”

In other words…

Our fear-based or egoic thinking cannot get us through life successfully. We screw things up when we approach the problem from the same level of thinking we were at when it was created. By calling upon God, we are open to receiving new interpretations and perceptions.

A change in perception will create a change in direction.

By calling up the greatest superpower of the Universe, it is like calling in the most intelligent problem solver ever known to man. It’s an understanding that we do not know it all. It’s about humbling to our limited capabilities and asking for an expert to show us the way.


When I went through my darkest hour, I came to know I simply had no control. The forces of my storm were throwing me here, rocking me there and slamming me face first into gravely ground. I liken this feeling to a time I was in Maui and naively frolicking in the ocean. Being raised in the desert, I had no clue regarding the ocean and it’s somewhat temperamental ways. All seemed calm and well until seemingly out of nowhere, a monstrous wave appeared and smashed me down. I was pushed to the ocean’s floor in an instant and dragged hard through rocks and sand. I had no time to react and I had no air. The force was so powerful it took the air out of my lungs and the swimsuit off my body. (Yes, I had to stand up naked- but that’s another story) I had no control. I quickly decided that to fight against it was futile and I my best choice was to surrender into the flow until the wave’s power subsided. All at once, the motion stopped and I was able to upright myself.

Similar to this physical experience, I learned I had to do the same with my emotional experience. I had to relax into the flow until I was led safely to my destination and could regain footing. I was far too fear-ridden to see anything clearly, so I chose to wait until I was capable of doing so. When I finally whole-heartedly “let go”, everything began to fall into place. Bing. Bang. Boom. It was brilliant and so perfect, there was no way I could have ever aligned it all. The right people were put before me. The right information landed in my hands. And all happened at just the right time. In hindsight, I could clearly see how my limited thinking was only messing things up further and perpetuating my suffering.

Surrendering doesn’t mean we stand still and close down. It does not mean we dry up and blow away. It means we open our hearts! It means we understand that God has our back! It means we have full trust and full faith in a force so powerful It holds galaxies together. It’s a deep inner knowing that all is in Divine Right Order although it may resemble a disaster right now. It’s faith in knowing, you are not exempt from God’s grace and you will be led through this. You are no different than anyone else. You matter, you are taken care of and you are loved.

Open your eyes, open your ears and open your heart center, because when your guidance arrives, you want to be sure to receive it!

Your thoughts?

How Listening To Divine Guidance Leads To Better Outcomes

So once again the Divine stepped in and interceded with a much better plan than what was about to go down.  Here’s how…

I was in a texting conversation where a very important topic was being discussed.  I was very centered and felt very connected to Source during this conversation.  No shenanigans or egoic rantings, just presence.  All at once a whammy from the other person came through.  Whoa…. I had to stop and take a few seconds to let that one sink in and then I started to push buttons on my touch screen to respond.  Nothing.  I tried again… Nothing.  I backed out of text and tried to go to another app.. Nothing. I tried to turn off my phone and restart it.  Nothing.  It wouldn’t even shut down in order for me to reset it.

At first, I started to get annoyed and then I started to panic!  Omg, what if I can’t respond?  What if this person thinks I’m ignoring them?  What if they think I’m being mean, rude or some other negative thing?  The old worried, people pleasing Kristen started to emerge and then all at a once I just stopped and sat back.  My new pattern of surrender took over. (That in itself was fascinating to observe) I decided I was going to let this be exactly what it was – simply an inability to respond “right now.”

I said to myself:  Welp, apparently I am not supposed to respond now.  For some reason there needs to be space between our responses and I’m going to trust that this is Right. Spirit knows better than I, and I’m going to trust that. 

Some time later (still without ability to respond),my person sent another text. This text was filled with clarity and humility and compassion.  It changed the entire look and feel of the original conversation.  My person had been afraid and all their previous armored dialogue was leading me to respond in a way that honored myself, but in turn would have caused even more fear and separation for the other person.  It became quite apparent that this space needed to be created in order for a different outcome possibility.  By my lack of responding ability, my person had time to sort better through their thoughts.

We were in Spirit’s hands and we didn’t even know it. Because that pause was created, we had a completely different outcome than where we were headed.

I don’t know why this stuff still fascinates me, but it does!  I’m forever in awe of the infinite intelligence of the universe.  Times like these always make me reflect on how much I had to have missed in the past when I was trying SO hard to control, control, control. All along, I just needed to let go.

A reminder to us all to surrender the greater good for all, to God.  When we sloooooow down and keep in practice with quieting our mind, and listening to our guidance, life almost flows for us.  We are being guided all day, everyday.  We just have to open our hearts and listen.

Consider Your Motive

Before you make any emotional decision, consider your motive. Our motive is the energy behind the words we say and the behaviors we exhibit. Each word or act we choose has an energy all its own.   No matter what lie we tell ourselves as to why we are doing what we are doing, the energetic motive is still there. We simply cannot hide it or run from it.  It is energy, it is truth and it will be felt.

One of the rules I live by is this:

We cannot hide from one another. We may think that we can but, rest assured, eventually we will be found out.  So why even bother? It is much better to speak our truth with love and without the intent to harm.  This is how we stay in integrity.

We are energetic beings who are constantly emitting frequencies to those around us.  I’m sure you’ve experienced how one person may feel so good to be around and another may feel toxic and dank.  You didn’t ask to feel the energy.  You didn’t have to tune in. It was just there.  You probably didn’t know why you knew what you knew, but you knew it nonetheless!

Same goes for all of our actions.  We may think we are hiding and that others don’t know we are being manipulative, fearful or controlling, but I assure you, even if you are good enough to keep it from other humans, you will never be so good to keep it from the Universe.  Universal energy connects with our energy and every vibe we emit, will attract like vibe back to us.

Why is it that our motive matters?  Because we are in control of our experience and if we don’t clean up our energetic act, we will continue to suffer and continue to attract the same negative energy (experiences/people/circumstances) into our lives.

Recently, I was faced with a situation where I needed to respond to a person. In the past, this person had caused tremendous upheaval in our lives and I would have been quite justified in constructing a classy f*ck you in response. All who know of the situation agreed that it was more than okay for me to speak my truth.  It really was a slam dunk kind of story.  I thought long and hard and penned a beautiful, classy response and even got it approved by my most conscious, truth telling friends. Each one agreed it was well-worded and stood up for me in a quietly powerful way.  The time had come for me to hit “send” and I didn’t…  I couldn’t…  I questioned what my hold up was?  Was this fear?  But it was not…

What was holding me back was my motive.  The hidden, subconscious motive (that slipped by all my buddies) was that my response was energetically aimed to harm, not to heal.  It was rooted in darkness (ego), not in Light.  I was intending to separate, not to unify and I knew it.  I wanted to hurt this person as they had hurt us and I almost acted just…like…they…did!

I had not conducted myself through all the past drama with dignity, grace and class to ruin it all with a hidden motive.  My integrity was squeaky clean regarding any responses or exchanges with this person up until now, and I almost blew it based on the hidden urging of my lower self/ego.  I felt much better when I chose a response that was powerful, but rooted in love instead of attack.

Learning to stop, think and consider before making a decision or responding to another, is the behavior of the empowered!  When we don’t feel driven to prove we are right, we have responded from our Highest Self.  As long as we keep our energy high and do our best, the Universe will reciprocate in kind.  Allow your energy to be far more valuable than a fleeting moment of instant gratification brought on by a cheap shot.

Let us always remember that we are responsible for ourselves (and our energy) at all times. Let God handle the crappy characters in your life.  Keep your hands (and energy) clean.  It is simply not worth it to lower yourself to another’s level, ever.

Consider your motives and you’ll be quite happy that you did!




How To Recognize Your Intuition

Intuition:  The ability to acquire knowledge without inference or use of reason.  It comes from the Latin word, “Intueri” which translates into “to look inside”.
Intuition is one of my favorite subjects!  I love to hear stories of how peoples’ inner knowing guided them forward into something great, warned them of something dangerous or helped them aid in another’s growth.  It is our connection with Spirit- the very essence of the Universe that we are all a part of and connected to in ways that far outreach our understanding as human beings.
Intuition is an innate gift or trait that we are each born with. We all have it.  Each and everyone of us.  Male or female.  Young or elderly.   It is an inner knowing, sense or feeling.  A gentle nudge pushing us in the right direction.  Sometimes it is a warning and other times it is clear guide to the next step we are to take in a certain direction.

 Our intuition comes in moments that our mind is free-flowing- the times that we are not attached to outcome, but are allowing for stillness

It is best described as a whisper that is resonating with truth.  Our intuition does not come attached to emotion.  On the contrary, intuition feels emotionless.

Many of us have difficulty discerning between what is intuitive guidance and what is not.  Many times our intuition can be guiding us in a different direction than our thinking mind is.  With this, we are oftentimes confused as to what is real and what is not.  The best way I have learned to distinguish between the two is this:

Intuition is a whisper, fear (over-thinking mind) is a shout.

Oftentimes, we may want to discount our intuitive  message because it is simply not as loud or overpowering as our egoic mind is.  In moments like this it is most imperative to get quiet.  Whether your quiet comes through meditation, exercise, driving or other experiences, to truly hear your divine guidance, it is important to make time to still your mind.

I used to think I had to handle all my life’s questions and decisions by myself and  I only called upon Spirit in times of great pain and distress.  In those times I found myself repeating the same behaviors over and over again because my thinking was always the same.  I may have received guidance, but quickly discounted it because I was sure I knew better.  My egoic mind wanted to control.

We learn to trust our guidance when we take some time to look over all the moments in our lives that we knew better and chose to do the opposite.  Recalling and feeling how our guidance came and learning to follow that guidance is key in living our lives free-flowing rather than swimming upstream against the current of truth.

As with any practice, getting good at hearing/seeing/feeling/knowing our guidance, and then believing and acting on it, will take time.  As long as you are diligent to the practice and truly wish to connect with your higher self/Spirit, you will prevail!  Our life’s decisions and choices become much easier when we learn to connect to our center and trust in the divine guidance of our Source.