Category: Insecurity/Neediness

People Who Need to Be Right – A Collaborative Column

Dearest Readers,

This is a very powerful column as each one of us delves into a different perspective. As you might notice there is a running theme throughout… Self-Worth. I hope you find inspiration in what you read!

Much Love, KB

kristen-bio  KRISTEN BROWN

Chances are you’ve come across this article because someone in your life is driving you mad with his/her need to be right. It’s likely they are ridiculously aggravating to be around and you might even be considering relinquishing the relationship.

Before you make a rash decision, let’s take a deeper look into what may be going on behind the scenes.

My personal healing path combined with decades of research and close contact with the public has taught me a few things about people who stubbornly have to be right:

  1. They feel powerless in their life and often become stubborn as a means to feel like they are in control. They are often individuals who give away their power easily.
  2. They have a deep belief of unworthiness or inadequacy based on words spoken over them or life circumstance. Unfortunately, these people “right fight” in order to show others what they feel has been overlooked – their value as a brilliant and equivalent contributor.
  3. Their “right fighting” is a raw and real plea to be seen and heard – to matter to someone. It is a cry for love and acceptance.

Most of us know we cannot change others. However, our “difficult” relationships offer us a magnificent growth point for ourselves!

Other’s annoying behavior is often a clever design of the Universe to help us uncover the shadow (unhealed wounds) we need to work on.

The times we are judging the most are the times we actually need to look closer within to learn where we might possess the same trait. It’s called projection.

So the question then becomes…

Do I have a need to be right?

At first glance, you might be unwilling to see where “right fighting” is true in yourself, because self-responsibility begins the fragmentation (or death) of the ego and the ego will do whatever it takes to preserve itself!

However, the good news is…

Self-evolution begins when we are ready and willing to look within and heal all that may be standing between righteousness and happiness.

People on high evolutionary paths are willing to be wrong and willing to choose their battles.

So with this new perspective, I’d like you to circle back to the list above and humbly ask yourself, “Is this me?”

And here’s where it gets really good!

Once we heal in ourselves what we are judging most in others, we naturally stop being aggravated and annoyed by them. Our new healed position replaces annoyance with compassion because we begin to understand their behavior on a much deeper level.

Their “right fighting” might still be present, but our experience will shift from judgment to observation which will give us opportunity to respond to them in a much higher way.

So the next time you find yourself or another person battling to be right, ask yourself this:

Is it vitally important to my health and well-being to be right or can I sit this one out?

Kristen Brown is the founder and Page Admin of Sweet Empowerment. Kristen learned (the hard way) to heal her unworthiness in order to step into a life of peace and empowerment. She is on fire to heal your wounds and step into your best life. Contact Kristen HERE to begin your journey to empowerment today.

20160617_131442-1_resized  LISA MARQUIS

If you’ve ever seen Dr Phil, you’ve probably heard the term “right fighter.” A right fighter is defined as someone who is more concerned about being right in a conflict or situation than they are about resolution that’s best for all. They have to be right, period. There is no compromise.

We all know right fighters. Some are more stubborn about their “rightness” than others, and will argue the most innocuous points! Their need to be right can be so uncomfortable that we feel the need to feign agreement, slink away, or play small to avoid confrontation. While this might keep the peace, it leaves us feeling not so good about them or the situation.

This issue is very personal to me. I grew up with a family of right fighters, and the need to be right was modeled to me all my life. It was normal to me. I knew what I knew and you weren’t going to tell me any differently. Being the youngest fueled this dynamic, as everyone else came before me, they knew it all, and I was determined to show them differently.

In my search for personal empowerment and peace, I’ve learned that for me, the need to be right comes from feeling unworthy inside.

If I’m right I feel worthy, validated, intelligent, accepted, so therefore I need to be right! I need that validation. If I’m right then I can’t be wrong, right? Yeah, right!

You’ve probably heard the phrase “would you rather be right or be happy?” Great question. Does it really matter if everyone thinks I’m right? And what if I’m wrong? Shouldn’t I just be happy?

I’ve been humbled time and again, having discovered a conversation or argument where I wasn’t right about something I was so certain about! At some point the truth dawned on me or somehow I found out that I erred in my thought process. Still, that didn’t change my need to be right. My auto pilot of “rightness” was alive and well.

In recovery programs like AA, it is said:

“What you live with you learn, what you learn you practice, what you practice you become.”

This was so true for me, and I brought this behavior of needing to be right well into adulthood. I projected my own insecurities and feelings of low self-worth onto others, and oftentimes it manifested itself as the need to be right.

I’m still working on this and my feelings of unworthiness and inadequacy. It’s not an easy task after so many years of letting my ego run the show.

When I find myself in that “need to be right” space, I try to stop and consider the situation. Is it really necessary to force my opinion on others? Can I let it go? I pause, think, agree to disagree if need be and learn from the situation.

What I’ve learned is, being right isn’t as important as being peaceful or happy.

Lisa Marquis is a Hair Stylist, Truth Seeker and aspiring Author! If you would like to follow Lisa on her Facebook biz page, click here: Straight Up Hair

Sue BIO  SUE MARKOVITCH

It’s election year. As someone who spends time on social media for business and pleasure, I see a lot of political discussions going on. What comes to light is some people desperately need to be right.

My older brother was here from Texas last week. I hadn’t seen him in four years, but we are connected on Facebook. He has lots of political opinions, so I was a little nervous when we got into a deep conversation about the world, faith and justice. What I found, though, was an extremely respectful conversation. He asked me about my views, then listened. He didn’t interrupt me. He didn’t call me an idiot or raise his voice. He didn’t try to make me feel wrong. In his love for me, he was authentically seeking to understand my views.

It was fucking awesome!

I felt heard and loved and validated, even though we do not share specific faiths, or candidates. I believe he felt the same way.

Not all conversations go that way. Things escalate as one response leads to another response and no one actually hears anyone. I’ve come to believe a few things about people who need to be right.

  1. Be Willing To Hear

People who need to be right are actually people who desperately long to be heard. Am I willing to show up in love and just hear them? Does the conversation have to be a debate, or can I, with authentic curiosity, seek to know this person and why they hold the beliefs that they do? I am learning to do that, knowing that I have people who can then hold space for me and hear me, without debate.

  1. Healthy Boundaries

Sometimes, we need healthy boundaries to keep from being pulled down into the lower vibe conversation of who is right and who is wrong. I am always willing to tell my story, but my faith is not up for debate. I can’t prove to you that God exists or that one candidate or party will lead better than another. So sometimes I choose to bow out, or change the subject. I’d much rather talk about eighties music anyway!

  1. Damn You, Projection

The most important thing to remember, when I start thinking about this person or that person needing to be right, is owning that projection. Meaning, if I see the need to be right in another, to the extent I am judging and pointing it out, I’d better quickly own that I have a need to be right. If I didn’t, it would not be a hot button of judgment for me. They are the trigger. The issue is in me.

Once I own my need to be right, I can begin to heal. I am empowered to see things differently. I no longer engage in debate, as much as radical love for my fellow brothers and sisters. I can listen with the intent to simply understand. I can be with a different point of view and stay rooted in love. I can put my relationships above my need to be right and feel heard, and make the miraculous shift from fear to love. In doing so, I become an empowerment warrior in the healing of this broken, hurting world.

Sue Markovitch is an empowerment warrior and writer in Columbus, Ohio. Her book, I Know What to Do, I Just Don’t Do It is available on Amazon. She works with women over 40 to reclaim their personal power to live a life of integrity. Sign up for her weekly newsletter at www.clearrockfitness.com.

KelliHeadshot  KELLI DAVIES

We’ve all encountered that person who’s done everything and knows everything. They might even ask you a question and then argue with you about the answer! Dealing with people who always need to be right is exhausting and frustrating.

In this current age of social media access, now more than ever, people feel the need to express, post, and tweet their views/opinions about any and everything. Inevitably, someone with the opposite viewpoint is going to comment, and before you can blink, it’s turned into a full blown social media brawl.

Why would anyone spend so much time and energy arguing with people on social media?

Because they need to be right. They’ve taken such a rigid stance on what they feel to be true, they lack being open to seeing things from another perspective.

When dealing with these situations, ask yourself questions, questions, and more questions!

How important is this issue in the grand scheme of things?

Do I really want to engage in this debate?

Are they open to understanding my perspective?

Do I need to be understood or am I trying to win?

What is it going to cost me to be right?

Usually, I only have these conversations with people that I know to be open minded and rational. If you know from past experience that the person you’re dealing with lacks the ability to be open to truly hear you, then you must decide if it’s worth the energy to engage. 

Sometimes you have to communicate to the person what you need from them. You might have to say, “I need for you to put yourself in my shoes and understand where I’m coming from”. It might be an obvious thing to do in your eyes, but not everyone thinks that way.

When you lack the ability to see things from another person’s perspective, not only do you alienate those around you, but there is also a lack of the ability to be compassionate. We could all spend more time seeking to understand things that we oppose/disagree with or don’t have knowledge about, and less time convincing people why we’re right.

I believe that having this mindset will create peace and harmony in your relationships.

Kelli Davies has spent over 20yrs working as an aesthetician/makeup artist whose current work home is Prova Salon in Scottsdale, Az. Kelli is a church-going, intuitive, spiritual gangster!  Kelli’s spiritual journey has invoked a deep passion in her to encourage and speak life into others. 

How To Act When Dating Someone New – Today’s Question & Answer

 

Question:

When you first meet someone that you feel chemistry and connection with, how are you supposed to act?

You are supposed to act 100% yourself. Period. If we wear a mask of any kind portraying ourselves as something we are not, we run the risk of duping our partner into “liking” us.

Short-term we “win” the man, but long-term we’ve signed up for a partnership that was not built on truth. This is often where disharmony, affairs and/or divorce stem from. (Disclaimer: But by far not the only reason)

It is much better to be ourselves from Go rather than bob and weave between the lines of who we think our potential partner wants us to be. In doing that, we are dishonoring ourselves first and our partner second. Not a great way to start out a relationship.

100 % authenticity, baby!

I’m myself but I sense men still play games. I grew up with the concept that if a man wants you in his life he will make it happen.

I do believe if a man truly sees your value and wants to secure you (and he is commitment ready), he will make sure you know it. He will want to seal the deal so to speak so he does not have to worry about you being “out there”.

If a man is not securing his position with you there is reason to pause, rethink what the relationship is actually built on, what is acceptable to you and what you are truly desiring in a relationship.

You are responsible for your own happiness regardless what he decides.

But I’m a bit older now and my dating pool of men are divorced with children. So that white night drives a minivan now.  :) I just met someone who I am very attracted to, but he is not only divorced with two kids but his ex-wife recently moved across the country with their children. And to top it off he is a high ranking military man. I have never dated a military guy before and that is a whole other topic.

I invite you to release the need to attach labels, excuses and/or stigmas onto him. He’s a man and soul first before anything else. Deal with the person, his personality and behavior, not an imposed belief or stigma attached to his situation and current status.

We handle our relationships best when we believe what we are seeing through a clear filter, not the filter of an attached label or excuse attached to a label. 

Until then, pay attention to how he treats you. Are you being respected? Do you feel his interest? Are you high up on his priority list?

This is super new and I really like him but need to get to know him better.

Great idea! Although there are those moments “jumping in” works, it is a rarity in long-term success! When we release the need to rush, we allow for graceful unfolding – a true blending of energies and personalities. That is where the magic is.

I do want to show him I care and want him in my life but don’t want to scare him away. How would you advise in this type of situation?

A courageous and open heart will show care naturally. A heart that is “afraid” of scaring him away will give off energy incongruent with your true essence. Instead he might feel: neediness, insecurity or a “scripted behavior” which is not attractive to pursuers male or female.

Appreciation, light touches and your happiness and inner glow with him is encouragement enough for him to continue pursuing you.

When I think of him, I’ll send him a quick text. He has confided in me a little about his ex but I’m not sure if I should allow that or ask that he not discuss her with me. Isn’t it too soon to go there? Or is it?

My personal philosophy is there are no topics off limits.

We cannot get to know our person or anyone else for that matter, if we only discuss superficial topics. Getting to know someone on the core level requires open-hearted conversation around everything!

We can’t know what or who we are dealing with (and decide if it works for us or not) if we don’t enter into unknown space. Furthermore, if he’s not far out of the relationship, talking about it and processing space will be vital to his healing.

I fear I am going to mess this up even if he is the one with the heavier baggage.

Carrying fears into a relationship has the capacity to “mess it up” depending where both parties are at. Fear brings with it a dank energy. You might want to explore your shadow to see if your fear stems from an unworthiness associated with men or a sense of urgency or neediness that does indeed have the capacity to push him away.

My advice is to continually work on yourself. Fear dissipates when we know and love ourselves. This is the pathway to a mutual loving and respectful relationship. If you are unable to do this alone, contact a good coach or therapist to assist you.

I want to get to know him because I sense this could be really great. Call it intuition, but I feel there is something really special about him.

There is something special about him – he is God’s child just as you are. All relationships serve us in some capacity or another. Our person may be here for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Whatever the purpose may be, may we open our hearts to follow Spirit’s guidance and open our eyes to see the shadows this relationship will bring to the forefront for healing.

Everything is purposeful.


Beloved Sister, I’m honored you called upon me to hold space for you while you navigate through your confusion. I hope I interpreted your email correctly and this tidbit helps you in the highest way. Sending you much love on your journey!

~KB

Why Receiving Compliments Can Be Difficult- A Collaborative Column

kristen-bio Kristen Brown

In my 20’s, my “I suck” wound (unworthiness) was so big I could hardly look in the mirror because all I saw were my flaws – flaws I noticed myself and flaws that had been pointed out to me by others. No matter how wholeheartedly a compliment was given, it felt fake and untrue to me. Although I’d say “thank you” to be kind, I couldn’t receive it.

One day I read an article that said to ignore or push out a compliment was to turn your back on a loving gift. Can you imagine how it would feel if you wholeheartedly and excitedly handed someone a heartfelt gift and they said, “I don’t want that!”?

I know for me it would sting.

The article went on to say that when we graciously receive a compliment we are actually giving back to the giver because their heart becomes full with our receiving! In other words, their soul expands with their giving of love and our receiving of it.

Makes perfect sense doesn’t it?

So why is it we don’t easily apply this principle, graciously receive compliments and get with the program? Because…

When we don’t deem ourselves worthy of glory, we will not ever believe someone else does.

Many of us hold ourselves hostage to an unachievable standard of perfection. We believe: Unless or until I achieve (fill in the blanks) _____, _____ or _____, I will never be worthy.

Instead we are forever reaching, striving, straining and draining our way to reach a place we believe will finally make us worthy.

Loves, there is no amount of stuff we can acquire that will make us feel worthy. No amount of relationship, money, body or career status will ever fill the unworthiness void in our hearts.

Unworthiness healing is an inside job and here’s how it starts:

Know your true origin as a child of God – Equal to all living beings on this Earth. Not above, not below. Magnificent, unique and beautiful in your creation. God does not make mistakes and you are no exception.

Focus on what is right with you rather than what is “wrong” – We naturally begin to reflect our inner beauty and worthiness when we give ourselves grace for our mistakes and embrace our journey as one of learning and growing not of perfection.

Be your own best friend – Encourage yourself. Speak kindly to yourself. Forgive yourself and love yourself. Treat you the way you treat others. You need your acceptance, love and compassion just as much as your loved ones.

Receive the love coming your way – It’s there! Love is all around you! Open your eyes and heart to receive it. You are worthy of every compliment given. We came here to make manifest all that God is, to shine in our own special way. If someone is giving to you, open your palms wide and receive.

And most importantly…

Choose to see compliments as a reminder of your glory!

Kristen Brown is Sweet Empowerment’s page admin.  She is a spiritual and relationship coach/mentor who is on fire to help others heal their wounds and attract the life they’ve always dreamed of! If you would like to hire Kristen for personal coaching, click HERE for your free 15 minute consultation!

Sue BIO  Sue Markovitch

There is a chemistry principle called “Like Dissolves Like”, that describes how substances with similar characteristics will dissolve in each other. Salt shares similarities with water, so salt dissolves easily in water. Oil has the opposite polarity of water, so it does not. We’ve all seen oil floating on top, or in a separate layer from the water. It is because they repel.

For most of my life, compliments were oil to my water. I repelled them. If someone said, “You look great!”, I would grab a roll of belly fat and respond with, “Are you kidding? Have you seen this disgusting belly?” If someone said, “Your hair looks so nice like that”, I’d squirm around talking about how I’d gotten up late, didn’t have time to straighten it, blah blah blah.

Compliments were oil to my water. I repelled them.

Once I realized how rude it was to argue with someone, just because they complimented me, I tried to change. I would say, “Thank you!”, but it didn’t feel authentic. Compliments still made me feel seen, called out and vulnerable.

Then I started to learn about my wounds. My brokenness. I became aware of how rooted in Not Good Enough and I Don’t Matter I was. My solvent was composed of fear, so love bombs in the form of compliments could never really get in. They were always repelled, because fear and love are as opposite as oil and water.

Not being able to receive compliments is a symptom of fear and unworthiness, often rooted in shame.

I realized that I’d never be able to truly accept a compliment until I was made up of Love and only Love. It was chemically impossible. So I got to work. I started sharing my story. I started sharing my shame. I found amazing support groups and coaches who knew how to create a safe, sacred space for me to process all the shit that had happened. How I got so filled with fear and lies.

I started coming out of agreement with all the false beliefs that had been my life map for so long. And I got on a new path.

As I did the work of letting go of who I was not, and remembering who I was, I started to become rooted in Love. My identity was no longer Not Good Enough and I Don’t Matter. It was now a worthy, oh so loved Child of God. Once I knew who I was, when someone saw that glorious light within me and took the time to tell me with a compliment, I finally understood the salt.

And I saw the light in them right back, and said, “Thank you.”

Sue Markovitch is a Fitness Coach, Author, Speaker, Spiritual Leader and my beloved Soul Sister! If you would like to discover more about Sue’s awesomeness check out her website Clear Rock Fitness!

KelliHeadshot Kelli Davies

I am very fortunate to be married to a man who gives me compliments on a daily basis.

One morning we were having a deep conversation and he proceeds to tell me that I’m flawless.  It was all I could do to 1) not laugh, 2) tell him he was nuts, and 3) not rattle off a list of all the reasons his statement wasn’t true.

Although I refrained from saying anything, the look on my face said it all.  He said “You’re flawless in my eyes. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted”.

His statement almost made me cry because I knew he was speaking from his heart . He was looking at me through love filtered glasses. So why was I having such a hard time receiving his heartfelt words? Unbelief.

Unbelief that he saw me as complete.  Unbelief that he could look past my physical flaws and still see beauty. Unbelief that he could look past my character flaws and still see a great person.  Who am I to argue with what he sees?

When you’re not accepting, you are rejecting. You are rejecting a gift that is being offered to you.  It is a gift of acceptance, encouragement, and love.

Unbelief is also the reason we feel the need to explain why a compliment isn’t valid.  If someone compliments your shoes, you don’t need to ramble on about how old or how cheap they were.  Just say thank you! How long you’ve had or paid for them is irrelevant to how fabulous it looks.

On the flip side, if you’ve ever had to deal with someone who doesn’t know how to receive a compliment, it can be kind of annoying.  You just want to shake them and say “Snap out of it!  You have good qualities!”.

This speaks to a deeper issue. Is the root of your unbelief unworthiness?

Accepting a compliment doesn’t make you arrogant.  All it means is that you have chosen to believe that someone sees you through love filtered glasses.  It’s OK to receive the gift of acceptance, encouragement, and love.  It is up to you to believe that you are worthy.

Kelli Davies has spent 20 years working closely with the public as an aesthetician/makeup artist whose current work home is Prova Salon in Scottsdale, AZ.  Kelli is a church going,  self-empowerment loving, spiritual gangster!  Kelli’s spiritual journey has invoked a deep passion in her to encourage and speak life into others as they travel through life challenges.

20160617_131442-1_resized  Lisa Marquis

How do you take your compliments, straight up or with a side of squeamish?

When someone compliments you, say, on what you’re wearing, your sense of humor, your beautiful eyes, how do you respond? Do you say thank you very much, or do you minimize what they’ve just said? Shy away from them, deny that it’s true?

If you have trouble accepting compliments, perhaps you are suffering from low self worth. You fear it will make you look conceited or full of yourself to say thank you. It’s just always what you’ve done when being complimented: deflect so as to seem humble.

When we deny a compliment aren’t we somewhat insulting the giver of it? After all, they are making a point to let us know that they like something about us, so isn’t it up to us to be gracious about receiving it? The answer is yes. We should be gracious and accept, but it’s  more than that. We need to improve our self worth, so we can actually believe and appreciate that compliment.

I think we are afraid of the compliment because it puts us in the spotlight for that moment in time, draws attention to something about us. And lots of us just aren’t comfortable in that light. Either because we doubt ourselves, don’t feel good about ourselves or just plain don’t like to be focused on. Or as mentioned above, it feels like we are full of ourselves to be in that place and we don’t want others to perceive us that way.

Daily affirmations can help with the issue of self worth; try saying to yourself that you are worthy, you are kind, pretty, funny, whatever you can come up with that you even remotely like about you. Then focus on the things that you think are your strongest attributes; maybe you are really great at your job, or have a way with people that is really disarming and engaging. It will be easier to start with your strongest qualities and go from there, as those are easier to grab onto. Doing this will also help you with where you need improvement.

Telling yourself what’s good about you doesn’t make you conceited. It doesn’t make you perfect, it makes you aware. It goes toward being grateful. I happen to be very good at my profession, but it doesn’t mean I never make mistakes; when I do, I have enough belief in my abilities to learn from them and move on. And it makes me grateful for the lesson. Boom. Compliment accepted, from myself! That’s what a daily affirmation is, a compliment to you, from you.

Just try it. It will be awkward at first because we’re so used to the deflection and denial. But as you keep at it, you will see that starting with you is the first step to bringing a better you to the rest of the world.

Lisa Marquis is a practicing Hair Stylist, Truth Seeker and aspiring Author! Lisa’s divine gifts of logic and compassion coupled with her articulate, sweet and oh-s0-witty demeanor, make her one heck of a space holder. If you would like to follow Lisa on her Facebook biz page, click here: Straight Up Hair

A Sweet Empowerment Short ~ Attracting A Healthy Relationship

funny-couples-portraits

After dealing with one unhealthy relationship after another, I finally decided I was the common denominator in all of this chaos and I set course to figure out once and for all the culprit causing all the upheaval. What I learned later became the topic of my first book- From Doormat to Sweet Empowerment – A Spiritual Guide To Reclaiming Your Personal Power in Relationships and Life.

Below I outline the quickie version of how to attract a healthy relationship!

Our level of self-worth is directly proportional to the relationships we attract. In other words, how we treat ourselves is almost always how our partner will treat us.

In order to attract a healthy, reciprocally loving and respectful relationship, it is vital that we do our inner work and heal our unworthiness.

Below is a list that is near and dear to my heart as it is the exact format I used to heal my unworthiness in order to attract the loving relationship I enjoy today.

4 Steps to Healing Self-Worth

1. The Discovery Phase – Similar to court cases, this is the time information is gathered. It about becoming radically honest with ourselves about our past relationship’s demise. In essence we are exploring what went wrong.

The discovery phase has the propensity to feel shameful as we explore the “ugly” associated with our relationship’s end. I invite you to do your best to stay neutral during this time. The walk of shame never leads to empowerment – it only perpetuates stuckness.

2. The Sorting Phase – In this step we sort through our partner’s wrongs and our own. Again, we release the need for blame while we openly put our findings into categories. Theirs and Ours.

For example:

Yours– Neediness, trust issues, lack of boundaries etc.

Theirs – Lying, disrespectful, substance abuse etc.

It can be very difficult to separate our wrongs from our partners especially when our partner’s bad behavior far outweighs ours. Remember, just because he/she was a jerk, doesn’t mean you didn’t contribute in some way.

Hang with me now! I understand you might be feeling the urge to run! This really works I promise!

3. Responsibility Phase – In this phase we take 100% responsibility for what is ours and ours alone. There may be a lot or there may be very little. No matter what you discover, own it, bring it to the surface and allow it to be seen! In fact, shout “Hallelujah! I’m on my way!”

We only have the power to change ourselves. Any behavior we recognize and own begins to change immediately. What we bring to consciousness is easier to spot and now gives us the opportunity to heal it.

4. The Work Phase – Now that we have taken responsibility for our part, we can begin to heal the underlying wounds that have caused our unhealthy behaviors. This is the phase in which we formulate an Action Plan for Healing by researching our topics, joining support groups, empowerment talks and/or hiring an expert in the field.

Unless or until we do the work to heal ourselves, we will always be approaching relationships from the same energetic level as the past, hence, repeatedly attracting partners who mirror that back to us.

You have all it takes to attract a loving relationship. The only thing stopping you is healing your self-worth and being willing to stand up for it!

*If you desire more information on this topic or are ready to heal your unhealthy behaviors for good, Contact Me Here!

You Only Need Your Own Approval

authenticityquote

The world can be a cruel and painful place to exist. But…only if we believe what others are saying about us.

Someone is always going to have an opinion about what we are doing or saying. We can’t stop it. We also have to know that every single person on this planet is going to see life and other people through their own lenses – lenses that were created by their upbringings, experiences and egoic illusions. Some people have not questioned or undone the rules, dogma or beliefs imposed on them from others and are still living with the confines of an imposed way of thinking. Hence, their automatic response is judgment.

When we work really hard to please everyone around us, we only end up hurting ourselves and playing small in order for others to be comfortable. By doing this, we actually teach them that what they think or say matters more to us than what we think about ourselves.

The problem is we cannot ever please others to the extent we want to and we end up a shriveled up portion of what are truly meant to be. It takes a tremendous amount of energy to bob and weave through our perceptions of what another person wants from us.

life-quote-authenticity

We spend so much time trying to be what we think they want us to be that we forget who we are and what we want in this life.

We are afraid of losing their love so we falsify ourselves or wear masks that inappropriately fit our souls. We get comfortable being uncomfortable then question why we are not truly happy.

How can we be happy when wearing something that does not fit us correctly? It eventually chafes and rubs and wears away at our essence thus creating unhappiness and dis-ease.

When we give energy to any thought or issue that is not ours to own and work on, we burn away our precious light. We end up spending time where we have no business being.

The amazing teacher of “The Work”, Byron Katie states, “Whose business are in you? Yours? Your neighbor’s? Or God’s? If you are in any business that is not your own, you are wasting your energy.”

The less amount of time spent trying to bob and weave through others issues, the better. We are here to better ourselves not diminish ourselves in order to please the world.

StressMindingBusiness

Unconsciously, I used to live in a mind where I played small. I have a very large family, a lot of friends and many clients and each one is so incredibly different. In order not to create upheaval, lose love or make someone uncomfortable (myself included), I would withhold saying or doing things that would demonstrate my authentic nature or bring me joy. That included speaking light-filled new perceptions that could actually help another person.

The truth is not all people are ready and willing to hear what we have to say. Even if we say the words dripping with chocolate syrup and topped with a plump cherry, they may still grimace, change the subject or create distance. Which often leaves us feeling disapproved of, abandoned, stupid and/or unworthy. Hence, we dim our light, keep a low profile, shut the hell up and play small.

Others reactions used to hurt me a lot until I learned that what others do or say (how they process) has nothing to do with me. As long as I am being respectful, kind and speaking words rooted in love, I have nothing to fear. Additionally, I learned that by playing small I was constricting my own growth and the potential growth of others.

Your Authenticity Can Help Others

Since the playing small version of ourselves never benefits anyone, what does the playing big version do?

When we do the work to heal own our self-worth – knowing in our soul that all that we are is not only enough but brilliant in its own right – we actually bring light to the world! We actually contribute to global healing by simply demonstrating our authentic essence. Sound a little fantastical? Well, it’s not.

Our “essence” is the God Source inside us all. It is core of our being – the good, the beautiful, the compassionate, the creative and the joyful place.

By being courageous enough to be 100% genuine we are giving others permission to be 100% genuine. We are giving others permission to tap into their essence as well.

Vulnerability begets vulnerability. It may not happen in a nanosecond, but over time your openness may lead another to living an authentic life too.

Furthermore, two authentic people build solid foundations of friendships and intimacy rather than two pleasers dancing around one another’s idea of what their person wants from them.

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When deep connections of love, trust and companionship take root, it begins to reach further out into each person’s intimate circle and the pattern continues on and on. We may think we are a tiny speck on a planet in our world and we cannot possibly make a difference, but our thinking is wrong.

We make a difference:

Every time we choose love

Every time we choose kindness

Every time we choose authenticity

Every time we speak love-rooted truth

Every time we respect ourselves

And

Every time we open our hearts.

However, we are not always going to witness what our authentic nature is creating. We don’t always get the immediate pat on the back or confirmation statements from others and our ego may try to trick us into thinking we are wrong in our authentic nature.

Sometimes we must blindly trust that which is ringing in our souls. We must learn to listen to ourselves and go where our heart and soul leads us without the “ok” from the rest of the world. We already know the Right things to do; we just need to cultivate the courage to do it.

We must learn to surrender to when and where shift happens and know that everything rooted Love serves. Period.

Each one of us comes here with a purpose – a divine purpose to shine our light in the world. To be all that we are meant to be and live a purpose driven, love-centered life. It starts with accepting and loving all that you innately are by sharing your genuine self with the world no matter what others think.

Namaste’