Category: Divine Timing

The Importance of Recognizing “Blue Sky” Moments During Your Storm

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“Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Last week I began to share a story with a client I’ll call Sally. Just a few short words in, I found myself welling up with tears. My reaction shocked me a bit because the story I was telling is years old and seemingly a non-emotional one.

I quickly realized the rise of emotion was a clear indication how truly profound the experience I was about to share was for me. By putting myself back in that space, I was once again overcome by the magnitude of what had transpired.

To rewind a bit, Sally has been struggling with a serious autoimmune health issue. Her issue is one that will resolve over time, but having dealt with substantial amounts of drug side-effects, falls, hospital stays, ER visits, body trauma, massive hair loss and a vast amounts of doctors, referrals and information, it’s safe to say she is tired.

Our conversation started with Sally sharing something her husband stated a few nights ago. He said, “I am convinced we will see blue sky again”. Sally’s recall of that statement catapulted me back to the very moment I began to see the blue sky in the midst of my own storm and I shared my story.

Several years back, I went through a horrifically painful situation I refer to as “my tsunami”. It knocked me flat on my ass and left me crawling through life a shell of the person I had once been. I was petrified, hopeless, frozen and anxiety-ridden. I had set course to heal and regain my life, but the shift seemed far out of reach.

I just wanted to feel normal again. I wanted my life back.

I was desperate for a quick fix, a magic pill, an easy answer – but nothing came. I continued to trudge blindly through my storm praying for it to be over and for my life to return to status quo.

The wait seemed like forever.

Until one day…

I sang.

Yes, I sang.

I’ve always been a singer. By no means do I sound good or would I ever even attempt karaoke, but I looooove to sing. I sing everywhere, all day long no matter who is listening, what I sound like or who it embarrasses (i.e. my children).

I sing when I’m content.

During my tsunami I hadn’t uttered a note or even hummed a tune.

Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

Until one wondrous day a small phrase escaped as barely a whisper through my lips. It was so foreign to my current disposition it actually startled me.

However, something about that moment woke me up.

For mere seconds I had caught a glimpse of my old self. The woman I thought I’d never see again. In that tiny moment my fear was gone and my heart was open.

I immediately recognized something was different, something was changing. The weight of my burden was ever so slightly beginning to lift. I was healing.

Wait a minute.

I was healing!

That moment of song was a speck of blue sky shining through my storm. It was a glimmer of hope, a clearing, a promise of something better to come.

With tears rolling down both our cheeks, Sally smiled and nodded in agreement. She understood completely.

Sally’s glimpse came in the form of Abbey Lea tomatoes.

A week prior, Sally was food shopping at the grocery store when she spotted her favorite Abbey Lea tomatoes. She was so delighted to see her beloved Abbey Lea’s back in season! As insignificant as it may sound, for a moment she felt restored to the joyful Sally she was prior to becoming sick.

For a moment the world felt right again.

If Sally had been in the physical and emotional shape she was in a short month ago, she wouldn’t have noticed the Abbey Lea’s or even cared. Truthfully, she probably wouldn’t have been well enough for a trip to the grocery store.

The sheer fact that she was at the store and able to notice, care and feel restored in that moment was a clear indication something was different, something was changing.

Slowly, but surely, Sally is healing!

It was a beautiful speck of blue sky shining through her storm. It was a glimmer of hope, a clearing, a promise of something better to come.

It’s so incredibly important to notice and celebrate the little moments when the weight of our burdens feel lifted and we return to the self we once knew so well. They may only be miniscule moments with intervals in between, but they serve a much higher purpose and deserve the recognition of hope they bring.

Our moments of blue sky are precursors for what is soon to come.

Unfortunately, they don’t mean we are completely free yet… We might still experience ups and downs on our path to recovery.

However, blue sky moments serve a very powerful purpose: Awareness – an awareness that change and healing are headed our way.

As Thich Nhat Hanh states in the quote above it is much easier to bear hardship when we believe in a better tomorrow.

When we are given a ray of hope, we must seize it, grasp it in our hands, recognize the value it holds, put it on the altar and believe in it every day!

This is the value of our blue sky moments.

Attracting The Ideal Mate

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I’m sure by now most of you have heard the quote, “Stop looking for the right person and become the right person.” Pre-tsunami I would have had no clue what that meant. Going on the assumption some of you may have no clue what that means, I thought I’d delve into this more deeply.

Historically, I was always looking outside myself for someone to be perfect for me. I had no idea what this really meant; I just thought he’d magically show up and we’d ride into the sunset together. Little did I know that he couldn’t present himself until I had healed the blocks inside of myself that would change my energy from undeserving to deserving.

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I had to endure one hell of a bomb in order to be reduced enough to open my heart to other possibilities. What I learned was this:

I did not know who I was, what I really wanted or that I was worthy of the partnership of my dreams. Somehow I kept repeating relationships and situations that were not reciprocally loving.

I remember after my first divorce, not even being able to explain what went wrong. I just knew the marriage wasn’t right and I had become bitter and angry. I later learned that I had attracted a mate that completely mirrored back the places in me that I was not respecting or honoring in myself. It wasn’t his fault; he was just being himself. It was my responsibility because if I wasn’t respecting and honoring myself, there was no possible way I could teach him how to. I had no boundaries because I had no worth to support those boundaries.

Instead of stating my feelings/truth and following it up with actions that supported my worth, I’d be nasty and spiteful. The “nice” had never worked, so I went to the extreme. And guess what… that didn’t work either! Instead, I just became a miserable asshole.

That was a hard realization to admit because from the outside, I wasn’t being reciprocally supported, loved or honored. Of course it was his fault. In my mind, I had every reason to be a jerk because HE wasn’t treating me right. It was all HIS fault.

Wrong.

Just because someone doesn’t treat us right, we don’t have license to lower ourselves to their level. In fact, that behavior only creates more friction and chaos!

Our BEST CHOICE ALWAYS is to empower ourselves. We must be willing to do the work to heal the unworthiness wounds inside ourselves that keep attracting partners that are meeting us at that lower energetic level. In order to attract a partner that respects and loves us wholly, we must respect and love ourselves wholly! When we change our energy from the inside out, our life naturally shifts to meet us at this new level.

In my book From Doormat To Sweet Empowerment, I go in depth into the 9 keys areas I shifted/healed in my life in order to attract reciprocally respectful relationships.

No longer will we be attracted to someone who doesn’t honor our worth. We will sense the lack of cohesiveness very early on and our worthiness will support our exit.

I remember always, always, ALWAYS second guessing my feeling/thoughts/actions. Maybe I’m not seeing this right? I’d attach excuses to the person’s behaviors and I’d convince myself to “Just stay a little longer. He’ll figure it out.” They never did because they never do. We’ve attracted the wrong partner and until we fully love and honor ourselves, we will continue to do so.

Taking full responsibility for our lives starts with recognizing our unworthiness wounds.

I remember my second husband (the tsunami husband) saying scornfully to me once, “You are now going to be divorced twice! See, something is wrong with YOU, not me. YOU are the common denominator!” The complete irony of this statement is this… He meant those words as a way to point the finger outward instead of owning his sh*t and I knew that then. However, somewhere along my healing path, I remember thinking, “Damn! He is so right! I AM the common denominator!” But not in the “you suck” way he was saying. It was ME that kept attracting disrespect. It was ME who made excuses for my partner’s bad behaviors. It was ME who stayed when I saw the warning signs early on. It was ME who didn’t love me enough to say ENOUGH. I always giggle when I tell this story, because it was just so perfect! Although his words were meant to hurt, they brought awareness instead! How ironic is that?

Freedom comes when we finally open our hearts to truth.

Now that I knew it was I that was repeating a pattern, I could actually do something about it! No more finger pointing! No more shame and blame! I had some work to do and I got busy doing it.

I made a vow to not even consider dating until I felt empowered enough to be able to hold my lines. I even constructed an “Unacceptable Treatment Guideline”, a list of deal breakers, to warn me when I was with someone of non-reciprocal quality. I used the guideline as a reminder until I was strong enough to spot and respond effectively to behaviors naturally. I needed a go-to check list at first as I was fine-tuning my worth and strengthening myself.

When I finally dated again, I was Divinely put into a situation where I had to demonstrate my worthiness. He didn’t have any huge flags about it him, but there were several small ones. I asked questions to clarify my thoughts and gratefully he was honest enough with me to confirm what I was seeing/feeling. We ended after 5 weeks. Thank you for that opportunity, Spirit! The mere experience of that solidified my worth even more because each time we act from our worthiness, we become stronger, more rooted.

Shortly thereafter, I did meet my equal. I have never before experienced such respect, love and devotion! I still shake my head in wonder sometimes… However, I could not have attracted him until I had deemed myself worthy of him.

No work done on self is ever in vain! Even though you might not see the immediate fruits of your labor, it is there behind the scenes aligning people and circumstance to help lead you to your best life! With each step toward self-love, you are getting closer and closer to your life’s dreams.

Take care of you.

Love you unconditionally

Cultivate your worth

And watch as miracles envelope your life.

 

Your thoughts?

“Who Am I?” Guest Blog By Author & Life Coach Sue Markovitch

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In my coaching practice, clients come to me because they feel stuck in some aspect of their life. They are unhappy at work or in a relationship, but don’t know what to do about it. The pros and cons whirl around constantly, keeping them up at night, robbing them of their energy and peace. But there is no decision in sight.

“What should I do?” That’s the question they keep asking, and where they feel stuck.

“Who are you?” I ask back.

They look at me like I just asked them to solve a quantum mechanics word problem.

“Who are you?” I ask again.

The common response is, “I have no idea.”

I understand that answer completely. I, too, had gotten lost. I didn’t have a clue who I was, or what made me tick. All I knew was how to avoid disapproval and escape from fear.

This played itself out in several ways. I struggled with health and fitness, not having any idea how to care for myself. At work, I gave too much, believing I needed to perform perfectly to avoid the insecure feeling of never enough. In relationships, I put others first in very unhealthy ways. “Where do you want to go to dinner?” he might ask. “Wherever you want!” was always my reply. The unconscious belief at work was, if I please you constantly, I will be worthy of love and you won’t leave me.

Then, it all melted down, big-time. I couldn’t do it anymore. Hard as I tried, I couldn’t maintain the false life. The high paying corporate job, the house in the suburbs, husband, 401K all gone. All that was left was a forty year old woman in a heap on the bedroom floor, crying out.

I don’t know exactly who or what I was crying out to at the time. Maybe a God I remembered from childhood. Maybe just a desperate plea to somehow be rescued from the hell that my life had become. Living behind the mask had become living hell.

To my surprise, the Holy Spirit answered, and said, “I am Love. You can take off your mask and believe in me again. I knew what I was doing when I created you. You are now and always have been enough.”

What?? I honestly didn’t know what to do with this, but I was impacted by it enough to want to know more. So began my search for an authentic life, my true identity, and an answer to the question, “Who am I?” without the walls and masks that I was hiding behind.

I realize now that all the sugar and unhealthy food, workaholism, alcohol, cigarettes, bad boys, drugs, people pleasing, approval whoring, and all the other forms of quick fixes were just my authentic self, trying desperately to come out of the shadows and into the light. I had been trying to get my attention for a very long time.

The authentic life isn’t about finding the right job, being in a perfect relationship, hitting your goal weight, having enough money, or any other circumstance. It is your heart and soul, living in the light. It is about finding the courage to break through all the walls and taking off the mask, letting others see the real you, and knowing deep in your bones that you are enough.

The Holy Spirit likes to remind me now, “There is nothing you can do to make me love you less. And there is nothing you can do to make me love you more.” Nothing. You are already loved, through and through. No matter the circumstances. As is, right now. That, my sweet child, is who you are.

Sue Markovitch is the author of I Know What to Do, I Just Don’t Do It. She owns Clear Rock Fitness, a studio that specialized in Life Coaching and Personal Training for women over 40 in Westerville, Ohio. You can learn more about Sue at www.clearrockfitness.com.

Is This Grief Or Is This Love?

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This morning at work I was presented with a new client. Her name was Martha. Then I was introduced to her husband. His name was Juan. I immediately detected a slight Spanish accent with Juan. Just a tinge of what I assumed boasted a Mexican heritage. Accents fascinate me and I love playing a game with myself and others called Guess That Accent!

After I applied Martha’s color and put her under the heater for processing, Juan and I began a conversation. The more we talked the more I felt his accent seeping into the deepest part of my soul. I felt like reaching out and touching his face. What are you thinking?! I wanted to hug him and put my head on his shoulder. Are you crazy? I wanted to feel the essence that was oozing out of his soul. What on earth is going on here?!

In some unexplainably strange way, Juan reminded me of my momma.

I couldn’t help myself and asked Juan what his heritage is. He paused for a moment before stumbling out that he was from Texas. Yeah, that ain’t no Texan accent I’m hearin’. I can only guesstimate that he may have suffered some form of prejudice in the past and was hesitant to share. I pressed on by saying I detect a slight accent. He must have sensed I was reaching for something more and he quietly replied, “I was born in Mexico.”

And then it started.

Tears welled in my eyes and began spilling down my cheeks as our conversation continued. I felt a little perplexed (as I’m sure Juan did) with my sudden burst of emotion so I quickly tried to save him from thinking he had done something wrong.

I began to explain that my mother recently passed away (2/1/15) and she had a slight Spanish accent. For those of you who don’t know, my mother was raised in Cuba from infancy. Although she is not Cuban by heritage, she was Cuban by heart. She brought the Cuban culture she loved so much into our home growing up – food, music, language and all! Her first language was Spanish and I loved it!

No matter how much I cried, Juan didn’t flinch, make any weird expressions or move one inch closer or away from me. He remained peaceful and still.

Through my blubbering and runny nose, I went on to tell him that the Spanish accent always reminds me of my mother and I miss hearing her rap it out with random persons all over this city. Being geographically close to Mexico, Arizona is home to many Mexicans. I believe my mom was friends with every single one of them! She seemed to share a sense of “home” with all Hispanic people even if their country of origin was different than her beloved Cuba.

I told Juan not to worry about my tears as this was a very good thing and that for some random and strange reason he was reminding me of my mom. He nodded slightly while smiling and again, he did not flinch, make a weird expression or move one inch closer or further from me.

Prior to my massive self-healing that took place a few years ago, I rarely cried. I had gotten the message as a child that my tears were annoying and burdensome to others, so I stopped crying altogether. Later in life it took an awful lot to make me cry and it usually had nothing to do with something going on within me, but something going on with someone else. I had forgotten how to cry. One of the things I had to teach myself was to allow for organic emotions and the tears that followed. I’ve been practicing ever since.

And here I was standing in the middle of my place of business crying to a random man.

Wow… life is weird!

So…. I allowed it. I let go. I let it be what it was. I stood shameless in front of anyone who may have been watching. In fact, I was so present, the thought never crossed my mind. I was in it. Every cell in my body was soaking up the essence of Juan. At that moment, I was looking at my mother.

It was cleansing. It was beautiful. It was warm and delicious.

Of course, I have run across many Spanish speaking people since mom’s transition. I even work with a few; however, there was something different here. Something that my words will never describe accurately. There was something happening that was far outside the reaches of my understanding. All I know is that it was real.

After work while driving to pick up my little one from summer camp, I questioned that little scene. What on earth was that? Was that grief? Have I been suppressing emotion? Am I in denial that mom is gone? Those tears came so quickly and so organically. Have I been denying the reality of momma’s transition? I sat with it, I opened my heart and all I heard was, “No Kristen… That was Love” and I knew… plainly and simply…

That was love.

I was not sad. I was not grief stricken. I was merely reminded of and celebrating, in a perfect moment in time, a piece of my mother that I have always admired.

Upon further reflection, I remembered I had asked my momma yesterday to make herself known to me. I was craving a little “touch base” from her and if I could see her that would be so great! Today I saw her, felt her and heard her. She came to me in the form of a 63 year old, silver-haired Mexican man and based on his reaction to my tears, I can bet he houses a similar soul to my momma.

The truth is I am happy my momma no longer suffers here and I can feel her with me all of the time. Our love is strong and eternal. I don’t grieve her, I LOVE her and I celebrate her life! She always touched me with her gentle way and her gorgeous command of Spanish. I remember how even as an adult, I loved to sit and listen to her speak to her friends while trying to decipher the conversation through the few words I could interpret. My momma left a legacy of equality, non-prejudice, kindness and love.

Thank you, Juan, for being my earth angel today. And thank you, Momma, for finding the perfect way for me to feel your essence. I’m still smiling and I will continue to smile every time I think of you.

Much Love,

KB

What Is Letting Go (Surrender) And How Do I Achieve It?

Last night I had a conversation regarding “letting go” and what it means. (Just for the record, I oftentimes call it “surrender”) I believe when we understand what letting go really means, we are better able to implement it into our learning experiences and lives. Here’s how I see it…

I view letting go as giving the issue/problem/suffering/turmoil at hand over to God. This does not mean we relinquish responsibility or our capacity to act and speak for change and/or resolution. It means when we are in a situation that is bigger than us, we open our arms and our hearts and we give it to God. We surrender (relinquish control) the situation in such a way that does not mean we are giving up; it means we are “giving over”.

“Holy Spirit, I am giving this to you to handle because I am ill-equipped in this area. I don’t know what to do. I need your help. I know you see everything through Divine eyes and you will guide me successfully to my next move. Amen.”

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I believe it was Marianne Williamson who explained it something like this… “The only way to take full responsibility for our lives is to surrender to God.”

In other words…

Our fear-based or egoic thinking cannot get us through life successfully. We screw things up when we approach the problem from the same level of thinking we were at when it was created. By calling upon God, we are open to receiving new interpretations and perceptions.

A change in perception will create a change in direction.

By calling up the greatest superpower of the Universe, it is like calling in the most intelligent problem solver ever known to man. It’s an understanding that we do not know it all. It’s about humbling to our limited capabilities and asking for an expert to show us the way.

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When I went through my darkest hour, I came to know I simply had no control. The forces of my storm were throwing me here, rocking me there and slamming me face first into gravely ground. I liken this feeling to a time I was in Maui and naively frolicking in the ocean. Being raised in the desert, I had no clue regarding the ocean and it’s somewhat temperamental ways. All seemed calm and well until seemingly out of nowhere, a monstrous wave appeared and smashed me down. I was pushed to the ocean’s floor in an instant and dragged hard through rocks and sand. I had no time to react and I had no air. The force was so powerful it took the air out of my lungs and the swimsuit off my body. (Yes, I had to stand up naked- but that’s another story) I had no control. I quickly decided that to fight against it was futile and I my best choice was to surrender into the flow until the wave’s power subsided. All at once, the motion stopped and I was able to upright myself.

Similar to this physical experience, I learned I had to do the same with my emotional experience. I had to relax into the flow until I was led safely to my destination and could regain footing. I was far too fear-ridden to see anything clearly, so I chose to wait until I was capable of doing so. When I finally whole-heartedly “let go”, everything began to fall into place. Bing. Bang. Boom. It was brilliant and so perfect, there was no way I could have ever aligned it all. The right people were put before me. The right information landed in my hands. And all happened at just the right time. In hindsight, I could clearly see how my limited thinking was only messing things up further and perpetuating my suffering.

Surrendering doesn’t mean we stand still and close down. It does not mean we dry up and blow away. It means we open our hearts! It means we understand that God has our back! It means we have full trust and full faith in a force so powerful It holds galaxies together. It’s a deep inner knowing that all is in Divine Right Order although it may resemble a disaster right now. It’s faith in knowing, you are not exempt from God’s grace and you will be led through this. You are no different than anyone else. You matter, you are taken care of and you are loved.

Open your eyes, open your ears and open your heart center, because when your guidance arrives, you want to be sure to receive it!

Your thoughts?